Wednesday, 5 June 2019

Going down steps at -- station last night passing below me brunette ponytail in low-cut black vest and lovely huge boobies

Going down steps at -- station last night, passing below me brunette ponytail in low-cut black vest and lovely huge boobies. On display. Then she sat on bench bending over to fix shoes giving me another lovely view of those boobies spilling out. Fantastic moment.
This morning Jessy Nelson, wardrobe malfunction, finishing with Mulher Malencia. Fantastic.
Yes, my heavy drinking will lead me into an early grave, but considering I will not have a single penny to look after myself with when I get to retirement age, it's probably just as well. Burn like a firefly, expire young (not yet though! Still too many books to write! Floozies!)
I need the periods of sodden drinking, and I need the periods of abstinence. It is the pendulum that keeps my mechanism moving. The drinking leads me into 'those high nights that persuade us to put off suicide' and the abstinence enables me to record it.
Amazing how much work I can get done (writing work) after two days without alcohol. However, extrapolating that to "Just imagine what you could achieve if you stopped drinking altogether!" is a red herring (perhaps). Without the drinking, I would have done nothing.

Saturday, 1 June 2019

Got through £74 but absolutely extraordinarily sexy day

Got through £74 but absolutely extraordinarily sexy day. Brunette in white dress on way to the horse racing in the Iron Duke. So many sexy girls all around Victoria. Two black girls in miniskirts, huge arses, and at stop outside. At -- stop sexy little blonde in grey hoodie stood SO near me at bus stop, half turned towards me so I could see the cameltoe on her fat pussy in black leggings. -- at -- of course. One Private Dance, two shoes off stage dances from M--. Then the blonde I made eye contact with on bus back to station, and held gaze, then she followed me to my end of platform and again was turned towards me. Then on bus to Victoria, black girl next to me at back seemed to be looking sideways at me. Then I realised I had the bulge of an erection. I moved my bag to make it more obvious then sat the whole way with this massive visible bulge in my trousers. Absolutely thrilling.
M-- in -- then home.

Thursday, 23 May 2019

To consider: Do I really want to get "involved" with S--? No

To consider: Do I really want to get "involved" with S--? No. With J--? No. With B--? No. Do I yearn to be back in Fifth Avenue? Yes. Back in Manhattan? Yes. Back in Cine Paris and WSK? Yes. That is the answer.
Try The Sherlock Holmes, the Admiralty and the Nell Gwynn.
So many sexy office girls getting off the train this morning, the sailor dress peroxide blonde the best, skin-tight dress through which her TINY black knickers were visible. THIS is why I go out on my days off. I am kidding myself if I think I am going to sleep all day Wednesday. No I will be straight out to S--, Victoria, then etc. So much sexier just to sit in pubs watching girls pass in summer, than sit in dark hole of the --.

Friday, 17 May 2019

Now I feel I don’t want anything to do with -- OR S--

Now I feel I don’t want anything to do with -- OR S--. I just want to stay alone, saving my money, in my big white lovely bed. Do not let myself be lured out of the casbah.

Thursday, 16 May 2019

Average person needs £260,000 savings for retirement but if you are not a homeowner this rises to £450,000

Average person needs £260,000 savings for retirement, but if you are not a homeowner this rises to £450,000. Terrifying. And I have ZERO savings, only debt. However, WHEN I clear this debt I can then start saving. Oh but I will be renting my own place by then won't I. Not much saving happening.Terrifying. Bleak.
I wonder if -- and -- will leave me their house? That is only thing that can save my future. Their Will is only hope for saving my future life from penury.
Confused myself now. Went to -- Tuesday, for -- and to see new girls C-- & A-- but mostly hoping to see -- behind the bar. -- grinned at me as I walked in. Something in that. Skin tight blue jeans and skin tight black T-shirt really showing off her big boobs. On fourth pint "Blimey you're knocking them back! I reckon you could drink ME under the table!" "We should try that sometime". "Yea, we should!" Later "another one babes?" I wanted to ask her out but by then it was too busy and I never got chance. I think I will next time I see her. I would like to f**k her, very much.
-- very quiet and subdued, sad. Drank too much, and now don't want to go to --. That is how quickly I change my mind.
I WONDER WHAT IS IN -- AND --'S WILL. That is my only hope in life.
*** After yesterday I say don't go out, but every time you do go out you discover something new, something amazing, something you would NOT have seen if you had not gone out So Thursday off as well for a change! Where to? Back to --?
Good I am glad things are cold as ice between S-- and me now means I don't have to spend ANY money on her, on a flat, and don't have to tell her ANYTHING about my life! And I can spend hours in her company now, with NOTHING being said. Felt her glancing at my face many times today, but I just focused on the TV. Love it. The complete silence between S-- and black girl was fascinating. What the hell happened there?
I'd still f**k her though, but now she has to come to me 100%!

Sunday, 12 May 2019

So went out Friday straight from work of course

So went out Friday straight from work of course. One in Calcutta, just opened at 1240 as cleaner never came. Place going down pan. One in --. Two in --, only stayed for second because a Friday work group included one of those stunning JLT brunette types in black floral blouse open at back and mid length black trousers skin tight over most gorgeous sexy curvy arse with no knickers, bouncing bouncing buttocks. 10/10. But soon as I started second pint her and other girl left and went back to work in Leicester Square direction. Then to --, black girl joined by S-- after 315. I was tired, of course in bad mood. While starting blindly at TV screen, I felt a tap on my wrist and it was S-- "Hey! I didn't say hello." I just murmured yes but carried on staring blindly. Bad mood. Seven pints again. Madness.
This greek Alexandra, big boobs, tanned, 30s at Romilly sounds interesting, Thursday and Fridays maybe. Worth a look. Could be Andrea!
Anyway I woke up masturbating while looking at pictures of S-- and came looking at her picture, so that tells me a lot. **** Don't underestimate that S-- made physical contact with ME. She actually reached all the way over bar to touch my arm, an act of intimacy. Quite a big thing to do.

Saturday, 11 May 2019

Of course I will go straight out this Friday

Of course I will go straight out this Friday. I CANNOT lay down to sleep when I know I am heading to the pub later. Too excited, every time.

Friday, 10 May 2019

So got to Calcutta about 1210

So got to Calcutta about 1210. One in Calcutta, one in Porcupine--voluptuous girl siting eating in short summer skirt and voluptuous legs parted, as she left she walked past me and looked me directly in the eyes and I held gaze. Beautiful Indian girl on her own came in with green olive top and was eating as well. So pretty. One in -- only, as I knew today was good chance to see -- and sure enough she was there, hair gelled down to make it look so thin. Finally I asked her. Very calm, "my other half wouldn't be very pleased". And I very calmly carried on chatting. First time ever I felt no shame, embarrassment, happy I asked. Got that boil lanced!

Tuesday, 30 April 2019

So a very dull Full Moon in Scorpio Monday/Walpurgis Night!

So a very dull Full Moon in Scorpio Monday/Walpurgis Night! 12 o'clock to Charing Cross, D-- behind bar, two pints then to --, small Spanish girl. Went in the Coal Hole but turned around as two men behind bar, then to Nell Gwynn but turned around as some Indian girl behind bar (though quite busty it seemed). Back to Calcutta for two more then home, and stuffed myself. Pigged out, indigestion. Still awake 2am didn't feel comfortable to sleep before. Though a little dream, some blonde girl coming in the gate late at night, black stockings, posting something then leaving.
Rachel Raxxx. Marie Leone.
Why get involved with S-- when B-- is so much sexier?
NO. I NEED TO STAY OUT OF CLUTCHES OF S-- AND B--. DO NOTHING UNTIL I HAVE MY OWN LITTLE NEST AGAIN. RETURN TO AUSTERITY MODE TO WORK FOR THAT.

Monday, 29 April 2019

Just realised Monday would be perfect day to go look for Scarlett in Shepherd Market

Just realised Monday would be perfect day to go look for Scarlett in Shepherd Market, as it is going to be heavy rain & breezy ALL DAY! The rain should give wonderful cover. She just posted a clip of her bottom in schoolgirl outfit. Amazing bottom. Also the black girl is normally in Calcutta. And can always pop into -- on way back from Shepherd Market like last time. I was thinking to stay in as no ogling will be possible, but for chance at last to see Scarlett I think it has to be done.


Thursday, 25 April 2019

Tuesday morning new tweet from Scarlet about a new English/Indian girl at Shepherd Market Wednesday size 10 with 38DD boobs!

Tuesday morning new tweet from Scarlet about a new English/Indian girl at Shepherd Market Wednesday, size 10 with 38DD boobs! Dangerously eroticised since then and all I thought about yesterday was what time to get to Shepherd Market today. They don't even start until 4pm though. Start late in Calcutta then find a pub in Piccadilly close to the place. Pina Napolitano at 730 of course. Interesting NO desire to go back to -- today.
My bank already in minus now, so might as well pay my cards today. The spare money I am afraid all went in the -- this week. And maybe today as well in Shepherd Market.*** So got 2 o'clock to Charing Cross. Black beauty behind bar in white T-shirt. Had two then got bus to Shepherd Market. One Peroni in King's Arms, £5.85! Then into No.30 just after 4pm, slim blonde, Laila cancelled! Bus back to Piccadilly then walking past -- saw it was empty so went in and S-- was behind bar, turned and looked at me expressionlessly, "long time". She changed TV channel for me and I had chance to luxuriate in sight of her voluptuous bottom in jeans and swell of her breasts in that black shirt. Wanted her. Then she called her family, her mum and dad were out with her little girl. Told them "I will be finishing in half an hour". Was that for me? Back to Charing X and couple more in Calcutta, so drunk more than I wanted, but excitement of S-- made it necessary. High because of seeing her.
Maybe Shepherd Market could be an option for me, long way from Soho, wait to see what this Laila is like next week.

Tuesday, 23 April 2019

Interesting I feel NO desire to see -- this week and for sure NO desire to have any relationship with her

Interesting I feel NO desire to see -- this week, and for sure NO desire to have any relationship with her, instead a kind of phobia & revulsion at both thoughts--due to the horrific expense of money involved. This hopefully will save me.
Sunday night, on my train and then passing me at the Strand bus stop petite black girl, plum off shoulder top over bouncy tits and obviously no bra! So so sexy, those bouncy soft boobies naked under that thin plum material. Tight black jeans, straight black hair so sexy. And getting on at --, like -- black girl ++. Skintight green top over big knockers, and skintight black skirt & stockings over huge hips and butt. Sensational.
Will the Turk ever move centre stage in my life I have always wondered? I wonder if that will finally happen with --.
Saturday night "A steamy launderette atmosphere, and smell. Thundery, lashing with rain, 1am, but warm".
Sleep all day Tuesday with two cans I hope, and Wednesday would be great to stay in as well. Two days of overcast breezy 15C only. Heatwave over. Pina Napolitano at SJSS hopefully I can avoid. Though the programme of Schoenberg, Berg & Webern is perfect. Now just worried and thinking only about -- coming to tell -- why he has to sack me.

Monday, 22 April 2019

No my desire to see -- in Soho is making me dangerously eroticised

No, my desire to see -- in Soho is making me dangerously eroticised. The £9,999 is not going to happen. STAY THE F**K AWAY FROM THE --. Or go once a week to see that beautiful --. Allow myself these little pleasures throughout the summer. Off Tuesday and Wednesday, sleep all day Tuesday I hope, then Wednesday night is Pina Napolitano playing Schoenberg, Berg & Webern at SJSS 730pm! So tempted! -- at -- around 6pm, then jump on bus to rush back to SJSS! An exciting night!


Saturday, 20 April 2019

So got through about £240 in two days all because of --

So got through about £240 in two days, all because of --. She came in Thursday in white summer dress and looked so PRETTY, so elegant, so ladylike. Had two great private dances. Then Friday she was already there in tight red trousers, tight over bum but flared at ankle, and pretty white blouse which showed off her pert upturned breasts. What a beauty Always looks so classy.
After first dance I think she came and sat with me at far end of bar nearest the private dance room, and tried hard to make conversation. She is lovely. Girlfriend material. Had a second dance then left.
So after my long hibernation I have gone a little mad this week. It is understandable. I forgive myself. It had to be done. Now pull myself back in. Resume the saving.


Sunday, 14 April 2019

JOURNALS; VOLUME 2 (2002-2005)

JOURNALS; VOLUME 2 (2002-2005) A Berlin Golden Age. A personal memoir of erotic indulgence in the florid & lurid red light districts of Munich, Berlin & Vienna, and 18-year-old Swedish barmaids.

Tuesday, 9 April 2019

Lissie tonight but still in bed

Lissie tonight but still in bed, not going, Cold, rainy. Spent a lot last seven days on beer, so better to stay in while so cold. Think of mother. Think of any potential illness I might have. Think of VIENNA at Christmas! Think of £9,999.

Thursday, 4 April 2019

F**king hell FOURTEENTH anniversary of seeing Romy in Berlin

F**king hell FOURTEENTH anniversary of seeing Romy in Berlin. If she was 26 then she would be 40 now. Wonder what she is doing now? Fat, beautiful, sexy still, happy?
*** Sitting on train to work reading my own paperback book, sitting on train home from work reading my own paperback book; I have achieved what I wanted to achieve in life. God bless Amazon. If anybody else ever reads a copy that is a bonus, but I have achieved what I wanted in my life in being able to read my own paperback books.

Tuesday, 2 April 2019

So here we are, April 2nd, Easter Monday. It is now 81 DAYS since I have been to a pub

So here we are, April 2nd, Easter Monday. It is now 81 DAYS since I have been to a pub. Also of course 81 days since I have seen a naked woman. And of course a bloody Bank Holiday today!
I CAN always go to Soho on weekends and Bank Holidays. And today is a Bank Holiday, AND it is going to be rainy! Yes. Yes. Try those Chinese places as well. One next to 18 Newport someone just mentioned. Yes, have to go out today--it is Easter. Old Saxon new year. Let my annual hibernation be that, Twelfth Night to Easter! The cold weather has made it easier of course!


Friday, 22 March 2019

Seen so many sexy little curvy bottoms in the last two days

Seen so many sexy little curvy bottoms in the last two days, in black leggings. Making me feel it is time. Then I counted how many days, and yesterday was the 69th day. Yes, it feels time. Let me try to nap for two hours first, gives me more options. Could quite happily go to Calcutta/-- if -- rubbish. Want to see E--. It was her who started this whole thing off. It is time to thank her.