Friday, 30 September 2016

If I'm busy in my private universe I feel I'm making progress

If I'm busy in my private universe, I feel I'm making progress. It is a game. I do my own thing, and I leave them all behind. I am a vampire; I take what I need.
I like flushing people out. Give them the rope to hang themselves. Everything THRILLS me.
Freud Hotel: my desire to give myself up to it, which real life won't allow. It's painful to me because it is so detached. I want to give myself to it, all or nothing: I want a year out of life and travel to Vienna, like Hans Castorp travelling to the Magic Mountain sanatorium for the cure.

Thursday, 29 September 2016

The rebirth of Berlin was coming

The rebirth of Berlin was coming, I could have just sat and waited for it, but I needed a bit of drama before then. How I wind them up, and how they fall into my trap.


Wednesday, 28 September 2016

People try & distract attention away from their own problems

People try & distract attention away from their own problems. I have successfully courted public opinion over the years, till I am in the position I would choose. Laughter to try & hurt, this is the sign of the stupid: they are playing into my hands. This tension is my raw material.
The sad French melancholy of rainy Dean Street in Soho. Charles Aznavour.

Monday, 26 September 2016

The starting conditions created a deep disturbance

The starting conditions created a deep disturbance, then you let the program run, and all the ramifications and consequences are what we see now.
I'm proud of doing things eccentrically.
"At home, the new chancellor will sire the 'Berlin Republic' by overseeing the shift of power and governance from Bonn to Berlin, an important psychological shift into a new era, perhaps not only in Germany but more broadly and gradually in Europe. And most important, the new leader will need to inject fresh energy to combat the lethargy and paralysis that have settled over Bonn politics like a muggy Rhine mist in the past couple of years."


Saturday, 24 September 2016

Friday, 23 September 2016

The fact you don't go along with the majority makes you a bad person

The fact you don't go along with the majority makes you a bad person: that's what Sarah tried to shove down my throat.

Thursday, 22 September 2016

I don't associate with Lorca, Wilde, Van Gogh, because they were great

I don't associate with Lorca, Wilde, Van Gogh, because they were great, but because they lived through the painful search for self-acceptance that I have been tormented by.
It is a wonderful ADVENTURE, a psychic EXPLORATION of unrevealed terrain.


Monday, 19 September 2016

"The price of wisdom is above rubies"

"The price of wisdom is above rubies. The mirth of the wicked is brief, and God brings them down."

Sunday, 18 September 2016

Saturday, 17 September 2016

It is a noble mission "to show them all"

It is a noble mission "to show them all". I may not succeed, but it will be an interesting journey, and I will know at the end of my life that I did something worthwhile with it.

Friday, 16 September 2016

I create rich material for me to write about

I create rich material for me to write about, so it turns into coal & oil. Egon Schiele night, pure eroticism! They just make my pleasure more exquisite.
Fulfillment, Kidnap, Bend Over Brazilian Babes.



Thursday, 15 September 2016

They hate me because they realise they've been lured into starting a battle they cannot win

They hate me because they realise they've been lured into starting a battle they cannot win, and their position is just getting worse. They are faced with a dilemma now: the more they attack the more power they give me. It is a terrible position they have got themselves into.

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

I shall say "thank you, for handing me complete victory"

I shall say "thank you, for handing me complete victory. Thank you for multiplying the depth & richness & power & pleasure of my life."
"As long as he's happy, doing what HE wants to do, he doesn't care."

Monday, 12 September 2016

They envy my beauty, my serenity and my intelligence

They envy my beauty, my serenity, and my intelligence. This is my weather and my time. I take from everybody; sucking their blood. How envious they are that they don't know where I go on Saturdays, where I go when I get the train to Charing X and theatre, opera & cinema, how envious they don't know where I go inside my inner kingdom. They have completed my victory for me.
How envious they are about me, how frustrated they are by me; what a supreme compliment. What an interesting, exciting, rich life I lead. I am ruthless, and malicious. I've finally lured them in, and tricked them, and trapped them.


Sunday, 11 September 2016

I am powerful and striding around ------- invincible now

I am powerful, and striding around -------, invincible now; they have made me powerful.


Saturday, 10 September 2016

"Something else which made Vienna unusual was the amount of serious thought given (it was a scientific experiment, throwing a stone into the pond of ignorance & stupidity & mediocrity, and watching them make monkeys of themselves) to human sexuality"

"Something else which made Vienna unusual was the amount of serious thought given (it was a scientific experiment, throwing a stone into the pond of ignorance & stupidity & mediocrity, and watching them make monkeys of themselves) to human sexuality. Richard Krafft-Ebing, Otto Weininger and Sigmund Freud are only the most famous of those who investigated sexual behaviour in a scientific way. Frank Wedekind, Robert Musil and Arthur Schnitzler were only the most radical of those many writers who introduced sexual problems into their plays & novels."
"Loos was a member of the circle of artists and writers grouped around another great enemy of show and pretence. This was Karl Kraus, founder and publisher of the literary paper Die Fackel (The Torch) which, after 1911, he also wrote single-handed. Like some Old Testament prophet, Kraus saw the evidence of hypocrisy all around him and foresaw the ruin it would cause.
For Kraus, the decline of civilised values which was inevitably registered by a similar decline in language, had gone so far that it could no longer be halted. Vienna itself was a proving ground for world destruction and The Last Days of Mankind (Kraus's greatest work, and unstageable play of mammoth proportions about the corruption of the ruling class and the Great War, written in 1922) were not far away." I want to move towards a new honesty in my writing, and in my letters to ---.
Things are getting better in ------: incontrovertible fact No.1. No.2 I have moved onto a new and higher level. It is the Salome Syndrome: because I don't show any interest in them they become hysterically spiteful and malicious. No.3 If people want to attack me then I shall take deep pleasure in running rings around them: it's their choice.

Sex, drugs and rock & roll--sounds like a good life to me. Necks, drugs and rock & roll

Sex, drugs and rock & roll--sounds like a good life to me. Necks, drugs and rock & roll.
They are unhappy because they are poor; I am serene because I am rich (not financially).
"It is perhaps not surprising that many of the artists, writers and intellectuals who grew up during the declining years of the Habsburg power were obsessed with change. Decay, death and disaster seemed to haunt their every waking hour and to provide the substance of their nightmares.
The pre-eminent city of the realm was Vienna. It was the metropolis where the Habsburgs held court, the magnet which attracted the brightest and the best. In 1900, with a population of more than 2 million, it was the fourth largest city in Europe. And less than half of its inhabitants had been born there. All the languages of the Empire, from Rumanian to Romany, from Polish to Italian, could be heard on its streets. It was excitingly cosmopolitan, confident and energetic. It was, it firmly believed, the centre of the world.
Vienna was not only the hub of the Empire. It was also one of the most exciting cultural centres on earth, envied for the quality of its theatre and music. Its relaxed way of life, its refusal to take the world too seriously, were legendary, especially in such foreign parts as Prussia where no one had ever learned to relax." In my mind; this is where all the work goes on. "While popular songs romanticised casual sexual liaisons and waxed lyrical about the pleasures of an evening in a separee, a vociferous minority attacked the double standard in morality, dramatised the plight of the prostitute" When the clocks go back, that's when winter really starts, the season of the flesh really starts. How I love the sounds of the jungle; like the members of the expedition in Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World. How I thrive and flourish from strength to strength. "and saw a link between sexual hypocrisy and the contrast between appearance and reality at every level of public life. There was something rotten at the very core of society, they argued, and the epidemic of prostitution was merely one sign of it."


Artists need to be at the edge of society

Artists need to be at the edge of society. If I was in the middle of it, I'd be a plumber, or a plasterer. In the midst you can't see the wood for the trees.
They think by attacking me they are weakening me or sapping my strength; on the contrary, they are providing me with my power.
Go in the spirit of the Dandy Warhols! Hedonistic excess. The sheer thrill of getting off the bus from L-----, and heading straight up to the station. Standing waiting for the train to Charing Cross, and then straight to sweet shop for my chocolate and Standard, then to the Chandos. These are the pleasures of my life. Marx Club has become a more dubious and equivocal pleasure. (I will go back for Raven, and perhaps Siya and Martina, but its new look chills me.). Perhaps I should make a habit of getting the 315 train after L-----, it would take the pressure off me, to have something good to look forward to afterwards. But where would I go every time? Just New? Where else is there now. Astral shut. Carnival shut. Boulevard the same problem as Marx. Marx the new purple lounge problem. But Marx and Boulevard are only good as a prelude to room, and that should wait for the clocks to go back.
Marx has really ceased to be a refuge now; the old jazz, smoke, ferns has gone, the evocative powerful days of 50s Soho jazz girl, big tits blonde Give me 5 On it, American girl, black feathers, Belly Josephine. It used to be dark, closed in and sleazy, very intimate, especially American girl and big tits blonde Give me 5 on it! That has all gone now. The way the intimacy of Carnival Strip has TOTALLY gone. They're becoming so slick and Americanised now. Oh for the old-fashioned seedy sleazy clubs! Where to go for that thrill? Where except New? I can't believe that's the only cinema either, there MUST be more: go on walks in winter.
The visits to New & Marx haven't been very good because it is still new & tentative: the deeper we get into winter and especially once the clocks go back, it will be better and richer: to think the Grosz period didn't even begin till March!

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Wednesday, 7 September 2016

Like Inspector Clouseau and Commissioner Dreyfus, I'll send them into the madhouse

Like Inspector Clouseau and Commissioner Dreyfus, I'll send them into the madhouse, they won't get me! Life is to be enjoyed. If other people want to fill their lives with jealousy & hatred, they're really missing out on a lot.

Tuesday, 6 September 2016

My differentness is my glory, that's why they resent me; my peacock's feathers!

My differentness is my glory, that's why they resent me; my peacock's feathers! They hate me for the brilliance & size of my peacock feathers!

My differentness is my glory, that's why they resent me; my peacock's feathers!

My differentness is my glory, that's why they resent me; my peacock's feathers! They hate me for the brilliance & size of my peacock feathers!

Monday, 5 September 2016

It is exhilarating is it not! I am on a scented sea of bosoms

It is exhilarating, is it not! I am on a scented sea of bosoms. Me and voluptuous Sophie Dahl is all there is. I am Fantomas looming over Paris. With the Taoist smile: "It is wealth to be content".
Lashing with rain now, 12.47. Spitting as I went down the road. It makes them edgy, they've thrown everything they've got at me, and I'm still here. How I relish the battle, how exhilarating it is.


Saturday, 3 September 2016