Thursday, 20 October 2016

I wanted it to be an open discussion

I wanted it to be an open discussion, with nothing ruled in and nothing ruled out. Just to talk amidst the destruction and see what naturally emerged. Let the river take its natural course. But I felt she was dictating the course too much, she was trying to shunt this river down one particular siding, to mix metaphors, a siding which denied my rich imagination, my rich inner world. She was trying to influence the outcome too much, she was loading the dice, and that bothered me: I wanted to talk to someone and thereby come to a solution myself. It was too directed.
You see it as being fossilised. I see it as being rich and fabulous.
Go because it annoys them, do everything because it annoys them, be me because it annoys them. This is only Stage 1 of my life. I must write the way Van Gogh had to paint. I take risks, and still escape their clutches every time.


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