Wednesday, 31 May 2017

What fun to still go on defying them; what a giggle it gives me. The DELICIOUSNESS of DEPRAVITY. Flaunt!

What fun to still go on defying them; what a giggle it gives me. The DELICIOUSNESS of DEPRAVITY. Flaunt! Flaunt! You've been reprieved! I am a FREE SPIRIT. I want people to be obsessed by ME. That boosts my ego. There is ANISEED in my veins. The other person's grass is never greener; can you imagine their poor lives? Everything inspires me, intoxicates me, gives me a sparking in my brain.
I just feel an intoxicated excitement about what I'm going to get up to tomorrow. The luxuriousness of my life.


Friday was a bad day for me but everything is pleasurable isn't it? "You can hate me now but I won't stop now because I can't stop now"

Friday was a bad day for me, but everything is pleasurable, isn't it? "You can hate me now, but I won't stop now, because I can't stop now". I like stirring people up. Sneaker Pimps. The soundtrack to my life. Perhaps now they were realising the joke was on them.
I live for PLEASURE. The deliciousness of DEPRAVITY. My funniest moments have been in New, in Boulevard, in Marx, in rooms. I am a FREE SPIRIT: that is why they hate me, and fear me, and envy me.
My triumph is they are all thinking about me.
I have lured them in, and now they have taken the bait. I have trapped them. It is my joke to poison them.






























Thursday, 25 May 2017

I am NASTY. I am DISREPUTABLE like Egon Schiele and Aubrey Beardsley and Wedekind

I am NASTY. I am DISREPUTABLE, like Egon Schiele and Aubrey Beardsley and Wedekind. I love the RICHNESS, and DELICIOUSNESS, and NEW SENSATIONS of my life now. I AM a stirrer. I stir people up then retreat back into my kingdom. Writers are like that, they put all their energy into their work, they've got nothing left for other people. I live for the book; I live for creating the book. Always pretend to look upset when K--- (or the others) are trying to bother me. MISCHIEF! I go where the story is.


Wednesday, 24 May 2017

So I am a NAUGHTY BOY---big deal. I am ICONOCLASTIC. I HAVE TO KEEP PUSHING PEOPLE: I CANNOT RESIST IT

So I am a NAUGHTY BOY---big deal. I am ICONOCLASTIC. I HAVE TO KEEP PUSHING PEOPLE: I CANNOT RESIST IT.
"The basic trait of Schiele's character was seriousness: not the bleak, melancholy seriousness which hangs its head, but the quiet seriousness of a person dominated by a spiritual mission. Everyday matters could not affect him. He always looked beyond them towards the elevated goal of his ambition. Together with that he had a keen sense of humour and liked a joke. But he was never noisy. His humour was expressed in short and not very loud bursts of laughter."
People fascinated with me is my TRIUMPH. BEHAVE DISGUSTINGLY.
YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE ME. Maybe I just don't believe. I go to the places I go, and they're STILL going to have to deal with me.

Saturday, 20 May 2017

"Feelings may run high and personal issues take an unexpected turn. And you would be wise to keep any nervousness hidden"

"Feelings may run high and personal issues take an unexpected turn. And you would be wise to keep any nervousness hidden as you want to appear a formidable opponent. There will be others playing the same game as you, but your determination to win gives you a formidable advantage."


Thursday, 18 May 2017

The sad thing is I live in a black porn paradise

The sad thing is I live in a black porn paradise, Soho Cinema, Boulevard, Sunset Strip, Busta Rhymes, Offspring Flava, Wayne Marshall, blaxploitation, Budapest, but what I really want is F. I live for the illusion of the black porn.
I am Jerzy K. I need those dirty night-time places. I need these masochistic relationships. I will write my Being There, about my Chancey Gardener, the pain and the self-hatred of this life.


Monday, 15 May 2017

I am wicked because I have no self-control. When you're on top there is envy

I am wicked because I have no self-control. When you're on top there is envy. It gives me the excitement I need. I LIVE FOR THE WICKED LACK OF SELF-CONTROL. Love it. Convert it into love, and stimulation, and relaxation, in my insolent display of wicked luxury. Anyone having that much pleasure must be wicked.
It is interesting that "society" has turned against me. I think it is hilarious, and pathetic. They are revealing their own bankruptcy. I'm devoted to creating something unique for myself.



Thursday, 11 May 2017

Think of Mrs Parker trying to kill herself. Think of the pleasure the rooms brings me, think of the pleasure New brings me

Think of Mrs Parker trying to kill herself. Think of the pleasure the rooms brings me, think of the pleasure Soho Cinema brings me. Think of the pleasure the Chandos brings me. Think of the pleasure reading the Lorca and Nietzsche biographies brings me. That I can still find beauty & pleasure despite this witchhunt.
The perverse films of Dirk Bogarde are so important to me: Despair, The Night Porter. That elegant noble man disintegrating to complete mental breakdown.
This black skies, and rain showers all day long, it would have been a lovely day to have gone out---and gone to Chandos, and then gone to Soho Cinema or Boulevard or Sunset Strip, feeling that old excitement. It is a pleasurable thing that I enjoy, and will continue to enjoy. I still feel like being up there in that rain now, watching Bow Down Backstreet---I love it. It is the mischievous, Situationist thing to do. I am in love with the ILLUSION, I am addicted to the ILLUSION. It is the most glorious thing about me.
He's just quietly observing and recording it all, on his photographic plate.


Wednesday, 10 May 2017

BE HAPPY. It is the Situationist behaviour. Act surreally, behave disgustingly, live provocatively

BE HAPPY. It is the Situationist behaviour. Act surreally, behave disgustingly, live provocatively, mischievously wind people up, BE HAPPY. "What a man is contributes much more to his happiness than what he has, or how he is regarded by others." All it means is I'm getting to them.
I am totally unrepressed. The wildness is my pleasure. I love it wild. The wilder the better. I want a jungle out there. I'm a spinning random element in their lives, stirring them up. My treasures are my pleasures.
I am FAUST, aren't I? I am Dirk Bogarde in DESPAIR. I am DON GIOVANNI.

Sunday, 7 May 2017

I don't regret anything because I live for the illusion. That is where the reward lies

I don't regret anything because I live for the illusion. That is where the reward lies.
I worship a different god, and he worships me!
I'm pleased by it, I take it as a compliment. I'm constantly thrilled by it. Go on annoying people. They do it because I've rejected them. I'm having a delicious life. I'm POLYMORPHOUSLY PERVERSE and I love it. They have made it so rich now, every morning more thrilling.


Saturday, 6 May 2017

To be honest I love the morning train to work in the summer mornings

To be honest, I love the morning train to work in the summer mornings. I love the train home at night in the early summer evenings. I love the walk to the station in the mornings.
I am a fantasist, and an exhibitionist; I need everyone to be thinking about ME.
I never notice anyone outside the ILLUSION. It is wonderful Dionysian Walpurgis Night mischief. Fantastic---they're doing my work for me. Spreading my p & p into every home. I am deliberately following the Oscar Wilde road. "Ahhhh, don't they look bright!" My sense of humour is fantastic. I love a good joke.
I have infected them all with my mannerisms. What a delicious joke. They are being infected by me more & more every day; they let me know they are thinking about me all the time. What power they are giving me over them.

My mission is to provoke people and stir them up. Get under their skin. Play on their minds. I am doing that

My mission is to provoke people, and stir them up. Get under their skin. Play on their minds. I am doing that. The more abuse I get the happier and more content I become.
The excitement of being a target. The thrill of being hated. "Everything amuses him, and delights him!" That must be very frustrating for people.
BEHAVE DISGUSTINGLY. Live provocatively.
I am the one in the rich position. Because they feel a little bit inadequate.
I WANT EVERYONE TO BE THINKING ABOUT ME. Sex is my mischievous weapon to worm my way into their minds and stay there.


Thursday, 4 May 2017

I am in the strong position in my beautiful autistic dream. Keep pushing the people

I am in the strong position, in my beautiful autistic dream.
Keep pushing the people. Keep defiantly going to Soho. I enjoy stirring the stupid people up. I enjoy making the repressed people jealous.
I've got to keep working at the ----- through summer, to see all those sexy women. Because I don't go out in summer anyway so I might as well be earning, so then I will be free to have time to myself in winter. I love getting the train on these hot mornings.
How their minds boggle; how they have poisoned their own minds. They are the poor ones; I am enjoying my pleasurable life, and I will continue pushing it. I've tried some things I've bet they've never tried.
I have lit a fire under them, and now it is heating me. "I fascinate them, admit it. That is indeed a compliment. I thank you."
I don't want the real world, I want the unreal world. Choose freedom. Good, I want to worm my way into all the stupid people's lives. I use pleasure to do it. My strange reclusive personality suits this job perfectly. I WANT EVERYBODY THINKING ABOUT ME.
I enjoy my freedom, for the continued pressure it puts on the stupid people.

Wednesday, 3 May 2017

I want people to be thinking about me. I'm on their minds am I?

I want people to be thinking about me. I'm on their minds, am I? The thrill of going and earning all that money! What a fantastic adventure it is! Like Baron Munchhausen.
"He loves being thought of as strange and eccentric. He takes it as a homage. He won't do as he's told. He won't do what he's supposed to."
A talent for playing with fire.
IT IS MY MISSION TO TRY TO COLLECT MORE AND MORE SCANDAL AROUND MYSELF.
It is my mission to smash taboos. Rapacious vampire. I live in a world of prostitutes, strip clubs, pornographic films. Lost in Space. Event Horizon. I live to collect newspaper cuttings, and record my life in my book. I am unreachable like the Good Soldier Svejk. It is just about creating a small black handbook for me to use. It is like Sean Connery's tatty black book of clues & diagrams in Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade. It is not story anymore. I am content to live in a pleasant dream. I've always got my dream to sink back into, so I am always blissfully happy. It is wealth to be content. Move more & more towards the condition of a dream. I live for the dream. The dream is what it's all about.


Tuesday, 2 May 2017

I need lots of money to pay for my £7 philosophy books and my £15 Boulevard visits

I need lots of money to pay for my £7 philosophy books, and my £15 Boulevard visits. When I can do the work, do it. Fill my pockets while it's there.

Monday, 1 May 2017

I WANT people to be fascinated by me. Obsessed by me. Singling me out

I WANT people to be fascinated by me. Obsessed by me. Singling me out. I'm so perverse, I get a kick out of it. The point is: I LOVE my pornographic life. I love my schoolboy fantasies. I love setting myself into my viscerally pleasurable transcendental state.
I'm going to see my people! My subjects! With my big stiff dick stirring inside my black jeans, pressing between them.
I'm going to keep pushing them, and keep pushing them. I'm not going to let them off the hook. The rewards are great.