Friday, 30 March 2018

So I walked into the Calcutta and there she was, my little darling

So I walked into the Calcutta and there she was, my little darling. Great big grin as she saw me, and she walked behind bar to serve me. Dark blue jeans, grey Calcutta t-shirt, curvy voluptuous bottom and curvy big bosoms. What a little beauty. The most beautiful barmaid since Cassia at the Porcupine. Stayed for 6 pints, but each time I went back to bar I fancied her less as the beer numbed me. Was happy to go home after the 6th, before 3 o'clock.
Coming to -- Station same time as me, beautiful grey blonde wavy bob girl in long grey wool coat belted. Beautiful face, bit like --.
Then at Charing Cross girl in pink top and blue skirt so short I am sure I could see the under-curve of her buttocks. Stunning.

Wednesday, 28 March 2018

Slept when I got home to 147 then got 230 train. Just beardie there then after 5 blonde weird girl came in and another beardie

Slept when I got home, to 147, then got 230 train. Just beardie there, then after 5 blonde weird girl came in and another beardie. That was it. Disappointing. Don’t think I saw a single sexy girl all day. Six pints maybe.
Saw blondie crossing -- bridge just before 230 train came. White top, black tight skirt. Oh, and on my way home coming down bus stairs and standing with back to glass facing other passengers, gorgeous brunette, red lips, black jacket top, skirt and stockings, stunning, she knew I was looking. Sexy. I need to move beyond the Calcutta to give me greater chance. Really do need to go up to the Porcupine at least. Try that today. Get 1030 then up to Porcupine before 12 for one at least then back down for early train home.
Those beefburger rolls were so lovely last night coming home so hungry. £24 spent not bad, if I stay away from the strippers. I enjoyed the drinking well enough. Shame I never saw anyone sexy.
Today let me try the Porcupine, then walk back down via the one in the alley (the Nell Gwynn), even the Green Man.

A personal memoir of autism, Asperger’s, pornography, prostitution, strip clubs, strippers and Soho–JOURNALS: VOLUME 1 (1996-2001) by Ernst Graf (£3); now with explanatory footnotes

My previously-published journals Therapy, A Season in Hell, and Autismus re-edited with new material, and now collected in one volume, with added explanatory footnotes as I am told some of my allusions are rather dense.


13 “…after Chantal…” Dancer at Sunset Strip strip club who I fell in love with at first sight, 26th January 1995, without ever speaking to, of course. In those days the curtains just opened & closed and there was no mingling with the girls at the bar as happens nowadays, unfortunately.
18 “…I love going to Sunset Strip after the Chandos…” Sunset Strip strip club in Dean Street, Soho, where I saw my first ever naked woman. The Chandos pub on corner of St Martin’s Lane close to Charing Cross Station.
21 “While reading The Daughter of Fu Manchu…” Fu Manchu a fictional master villain created in 1912 by Sax Rohmer. The daughter of Fu Manchu makes numerous appearances in the books and was a particular figure of fantasy to me. I was a great collector of the Fu Manchu books during the 1990s, scouring the numerous second-hand bookshops of the Charing Cross Road on every visit to London.
24 "It is false spirituality to neglect things carnal. Real spirituality comes from regeneration of the flesh." Words of Vladimir Solovyov, Russian philosopher who lived between 1853-1900.
24 “The Astral films are Benny Hill films, the Sunset girls are Benny Hill girls.” Benny Hill always had a troupe of sexy dancing girls on his shows, called Hill’s Angels, and I always think it was watching these dancers during my childhood & teenage years, along with the similar Hot Gossip on Kenny Everett’s TV show, that gave me a lifelong love of erotic dancers.
29 "Collective lust roared unashamed at the theatre". Louise Brooks's depiction of the erotic smorgasbord of Berlin when she arrived in 1928 to film Pandora's Box. With particular reference to Josephine Baker's appearances in Berlin dancing in girdle of bananas. The men of Berlin had never seen anything like it before.
29 “I love the openness & relaxation of the girls in the sex films like Egon Schiele loved his models.” Egon Schiele a scandalous Austrian painter who at one point in 1912 spent 24 days in prison for his habit of using young girls as his nude models.
29 “Haunt the balconies of the Coliseum…” Home of the E.N.O. (English National Opera) in St Martin’s Lane, close to Charing Cross Station.
29 “I do want Boulevard, and Soho Cinema…” Boulevard Strip Club in Brewer’s Court, Soho, and The Soho Cinema a porn cinema in the basement beneath it, under same management. Both closed down in December 2013.
30 "The double life of Franz Schubert." Title of a 1997 TV film about the composer who would often visit brothels in between composing his great works before finally dying of syphilis in Vienna in 1828.
30 “Federico Garcia Lorca led a necessarily double life.” Homosexual Spanish poet murdered in 1936 by fascist militia during the Spanish Civil War.
-- etc.

More bad luck good luck, didn’t get to Victoria till 808 this morning and my 809 was leaving from Platform 8 so no chance except then I saw it was delayed till 812 so I could just catch it!

More bad luck good luck, didn’t get to Victoria till 808 this morning and my 809 was leaving from Platform 8 so no chance, except then I saw it was delayed till 812 so I could just catch it! Amazing. Last night coming up then I can look for Calcutta girl tomorrow. It would be nice to see Turkish Berenice again soon, even wobbling bottom and knockers Sonia. But must wait for payday now. Surely.
There is no one at -- for me except Berenice. No one at -- except Sonia. Easy to stay away, No one at Sunset at all frankly. Get very drunk in the Calcutta then get early train home to sleep through till tomorrow.  No point even going to the Porcupine if I am not going anywhere else, better to stay at Calcutta, as far as the Marquis only perhaps.


Tuesday, 27 March 2018

Oh gorgeous girls everywhere on way to work

Oh gorgeous girls everywhere on way to work. The Victoria M&S till girl stunning, black hair pulled back in ponytail, ----ish face but perhaps India, but dazzling sexy smile. Stupidly I had already committed to going to till next to her so I lost chance to see her face to face. I will go back in here more often.
And in W.H. Smith's in morning, beautiful tiny petite black bob maybe Turkish girl working on the  self service machines. So so pretty. Christ, Spring is coming. Is here. Still cold at moment. Wait till the sun and heat burst out.
Thinking this morning it won't be long before I WILL want to see beautiful Turkish Berenice at -- again; and won't be long before I want to see those wonderful huge wobbly knockers and wobbly buttocks of Sonia at --. Face it, if I am not travelling I need to do something. But hopefully the Calcutta girl can keep me very distracted for the time being. Cannot wait to get back to Calcutta now, early as possibly Monday and carry on drinking through to 3PM if necessary waiting for her.

Monday, 26 March 2018

A personal memoir of autism, Asperger’s, pornography, prostitution, strip clubs, strippers and Soho–JOURNALS: VOLUME 1 (1996-2001) by Ernst Graf (£3); now with explanatory footnotes

My previously-published journals Therapy, A Season in Hell, and Autismus now collected in one volume, with added explanatory footnotes as I am told some of my allusions are rather dense.



THERAPY--footnotes

1 “LULU IS VERY CYNICAL…” Lulu the central character in the 1929 film Pandora’s Box based on the ‘Lulu plays’ by German playwright Frank Wedekind, Earth Spirit (1895) and Pandora's Box (1904). Lulu in the film played by Louise Brooks who I fell in love with after seeing the film for the first time at the Everyman Cinema in Hampstead around 1989. Obsessed with her for several years after this. Going to see the Almeida Theatre’s Lulu in a disused bus shelter in King’s Cross just behind the Flying Scotsman strip pub in 2001 is what led to me discovering the Scotsman, later to become the most important building of my life. Indeed, I later married one of the dancers from said establishment although we are not currently together although I suspect we will be again later. More on this in VOLUMES 2 & 3 of my Journals, and no doubt till the day I die.
2 “…Kaspar Hauser…” Child who appeared in a Nuremberg town square in 1828, origins unknown. He died in Ansbach five years later in 1833, aged twenty-one, result of a possibly self-inflicted stab wound. My pilgrimage to Nuremberg is recounted in AUTISMUS contained within this Volume; my pilgrimage to Ansbach in THE COLD ICY AIR OF THE MOUNTAINS contained within VOLUME 2 of my Journals.
4 “I want Carnival again…” Carnival Strip Club in Old Compton Street, Soho, second strip club I ever went to; closed down in 1997 just a few months after these words were written.
9 "Jerzy Kosiński liked the weird New York sex clubs at night…" Polish-American author of the book Being There, 1970, later made into 1979 film starring Peter Sellers as autistic gardener, Chance the Gardener, aka "Chauncey Gardiner", whose complete lack of any discernible personality is mistaken for gnomic wisdom by the rich & powerful up to & including the President of the USA. I first heard of Kosiński when watching a BBC Bookmark documentary about him—available on Youtube.
10 “I had a permanent erection in Astral Cinema…” Porn cinema in Brewer Street, Soho; first porn cinema I ever went to. Closed down in 1998 just a few months after these words were written.
-- etc

Friday, 23 March 2018

I will treat myself perhaps to a week in Brussels and a week in Vienna at the end of the year

I will treat myself perhaps to a week in Brussels and a week in Vienna at the end of the year. Of course there is still a cloud over work. I think thank God I really really have got -- out of my system, and the --. Enjoyed just being in the Calcutta yesterday, no desire to go anywhere else.

Saturday, 17 March 2018

I thought seriously yesterday about going to 4 Lisle Street to see this Greek Anna and to go to 8 Greek to check for big Laura even 2 Greens to see Mary and -- of course; but then I was telling myself no not on a cold day like this

I thought seriously yesterday about going to 4 Lisle Street to see this Greek Anna, and to go to 8 Greek to check for big Laura, even 2 Greens to see Mary, and -- of course;  but then I was telling myself no, not on a cold day like this, wait for a blazing hot summer day when the sweat is shining on your skin, and the naked girls are bouncing around, and you feel so horny. Those early morning Porcupine sessions. THEN I can look for Greek Anna or Laura or Mary. And by NOT going to -- or anywhere else I was rewarded by that extraordinary moment that gorgeous new barmaid walked in. I was just thinking will I ever meet a girl I could love or really fancy again, and doubting it, then she walked in. Oh yes, I could fancy her all right, I could love to take her back to my little nest. Hell yes. Long time since I met anyone like that.

So wake Wednesday morning and after brief reality check realise I have a THIRD day off. And I can go out drinking again.

So wake Wednesday morning and after brief reality check, realise I have a THIRD day off. And I can go out drinking again. Feel excited about it. Even thinking about --. Got the 12 o'clock train and some b*tch sits opposite me looking across me out the window the whole journey. I look back once and she was looking directly into my eyes for three whole seconds before I looked away, and she kept looking my way the whole journey. F**king wh*re. Hope she trips flat on her ugly face. Went in -- and never left! Had four then this gorgeous little girl comes in and collects empty glass from side in front of me, and I thought if she is the barmaid I am not leaving, and she was. The most beautiful gorgeous barmaid the -- has ever had. Polka dot blue & white sleeveless top over chubby arms, then black legs over curvy bum and legs, but TINY! The shortest girl I think I have ever seen. You cannot see her face above the taps. But absolutely gorgeous. I will be in there every day on my days off now, just to be around her. Better than going to --, or to look for Greek Anna, or big 8 Greek Street Laura.

Friday, 16 March 2018

My tenth book TWELFTH NIGHT (£3 ebook, £5 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored

My tenth book TWELFTH NIGHT (£3 ebook, £5 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored

MANHATTAN—nightbar in Vienna’s Gurtel opposite the Dorint Hotel.
MAX HOTEL—one of my two favourite hotels in Brussels, Boulevard Adolphe Max.
MAZURKA—CLOSED— nightbar full of floozies in Berlin, Lietzenburgerstraße
METROPOLE HOTEL—last of the great 19th century hotels left in Brussels. Out of my price range I suspect but a thing of great beauty.
MON CHERI—CLOSED—nightbar in Stuttgarter Platz, Berlin. In bedrooms above this club I lost my Berlin virginity.
NAG’S HEAD—a strip pub in Whitechapel Road, London, where girls strip completely naked on a stage for £1 in the pot.
PLAZA HOTEL—one of my favourite hotels in Berlin, Knesebeckstraße, just off of the Kurfurstendamm. With a beautiful homely bar.
POUR PLATIN—CLOSED (and knocked down)—nightbar, stripclub, in Vienna’s Gurtel; where I lost my Vienna virginity in 2005.
RECHTHALER HOF—this became my favourite restaurant in Munich after the closure of Lamm’s. However, the Rechthaler Hof has recently been taken over by new management and the food on my last visit was disappointing.
REGENT HOTEL—one of my two favourite hotels in Munich.
RUE D’AERSCHOT—where the window girls of Brussels can be found, next to the Gare du Nord.
RUE DES COMMERÇANTS—road where the street girls of Brussels used to stand before taking you to one of the one-hour hotels in the same street. Now pretty much driven out by Mayor of Brussels and police enforcing exorbitant fines on girls and customers.
SCHILLERSTRAßE—road in Munich opposite the Hauptbahnhof full of strip clubs, girlie bars, cabarets.
SEXYLAND/BLACK BOXX—strip club and videokabins in Goethestraße, Munich
SOHO—red light district of London, now a very pale shadow of its former self.  Not much left. A few “walk ups” where “French models” will have sex with you for £20.
SOHO CINEMA—CLOSED—porn cinema in Soho, underneath the Boulevard Strip Club
SPORTS BAR—strip club in Shoreditch High Street, London, where girls (mostly Romanian) will strip completely naked on a stage for £1 in the pot
ST PANCRAS—Eurostar terminal in London for trains to Brussels or Paris and recently Amsterdam as well.
STUTTGARTER PLATZ—square in Berlin where most of the girlie bars, puffs, nightbars were situated. Only 2 or 3 now left. Since I first visited in 2003 Chocolat, Hanky Panky/Stutti Frutti, Mon Cheri, Night Dreams, Starlight, Golden Gate, Blue Bananas all have closed down. On last visit in 2016 only Bon Bon, Sissi Bar and Monte Carlo sex kino still remaining. Plus Club 77 just around the corner in Kantstraße.
SUNSET CINEMA—CLOSED—porn cinema in Soho
SUNSET STRIP—fully nude strip club in Dean Street, Soho, where I saw my first ever naked woman, dancing to Tallulah from Bugsy Malone. The word Tallulah subsequently became my word for this whole way of life and my name for strippers.
TETE-A-TETE—nightbar in Vienna in same street as the Dorint Hotel.
WAITING ROOM—bar of the Premier Inn hotel next to King’s Cross Station, London, just around the corner from the Flying Scotsman strip pub (as was).
WSK (WELTSPIEGEL KINO)—porn cinema in the Gurtel, Vienna
WESTBAHNHOF—formerly the main terminus railway station in Vienna for trains from Western Europe. A young potless Adolf Hitler used to hang around here hoping to earn a few pennies by carrying passengers’ bags. Trains more often now go to the new Central Railway Station instead (Wien Hauptbahnhof).

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

Skiing 'will be impossible in Alps within 80 years'


My tenth book TWELFTH NIGHT (£3 ebook, £5 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored

My tenth book TWELFTH NIGHT (£3 ebook, £5 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored

ESMERALDA—my name for prostitutes, after the prostitute in Death in Venice.
FANTASY VIDEOS—CLOSED—small porn cinema in City Road, London
FIFTH AVENUE—a daytime bar full of floozies in Brussels. What the French call a brasserie à femmes
FLYING SCOTSMAN—CLOSED—a strip pub in Caledonian Road, King’s Cross, London, where girls stripped completely naked on a stage for £1 in the pot. The owners closed it in 2015 and turned it into a normal pub called The Scottish Stores.
FORTUNA—a porn cinema in Vienna. Used to have a couple of ladies inside to give the male customers a hand or more than a hand; this now forbidden.
FRAUENTORMAUER—main red-light district of Nuremberg. Road full of laufhauses, bars, strip clubs
GARE DU MIDI—Eurostar terminal in Brussels. Connecting trains to Munich, Vienna, Berlin, etc.
GARE DU NORD—northern rail station in Brussels, next to the Rue d’Aerschot where the window girls can be found.
GASCOGNE—CLOSED—topless only strip club in Brussels. Now a karaoke bar.
GOETHESTRAßE—road in Munich parallel with Schillerstraße with just a couple of girlie bars.
GURTEL—main red light district in Vienna heading up north from Westbahnhof. A shadow of its former self but still a number of clubs left.
HANKY PANKY formerly STUTTI FRUTTI—CLOSED—nightbar in Stuttgarter Platz, Berlin. In a bedroom above this club (and next door Mon Cheri, both clubs led up to same rooms) I lost my Berlin virginity in 2003.
INTERCITY HOTEL—one of my two favourite hotels in Munich. In same block as the Hauptbahnhof
KANTHOTEL—one of my favourite hotels in Berlin, Kantstraße. On the corner of Stuttgarter Platz.
KING GEORGE—‘flat rate’ brothel in Berlin, you pay around 100 euros for entry then in theory you can sleep with as many of the girls as you like for no extra cost. In reality, you may find once in the room the girls will refuse to have full sex with you without further payment.
LAMM’S—CLOSED—my favourite restaurant in Munich, Sendlinger Tor Platz, before it was shut down for breaches of hygiene and working practice regulations. Now Kennedy’s Irish Pub
LAUFHAUS—a multi-storey building full of floozies. You walk along the corridors and all the floozies have their bedroom doors open so you can look in at them as you pass before making your choice

Well I felt no attraction to Berenice at all this time so that is the -- over already! Thank god!

Well I felt no attraction to Berenice at all this time, so that is the -- over already! Thank god! That will help a lot. The pretty plum jumper nice tits girl was in Hawkshaw again. Black jeans, curvy little figure. Four in Hawkshaw to kill time, 3 or 4 in --, one more in Hawkshaw on way home which I could not finish then got on 6 o'clock train home.  Interesting that E-- was friendly to me this time, called out hello to me smiling as I passed her to toilets, then waving bye at me with a smile as she left.
Even yesterday I did feel hungry though, sexually. Every bottom in black leggings I looked at lustfullly. The hunger is growing.
But I eat to pass the time. And I sleep to pass the time. Just passing the time till we can get to next pay day, then I start again, passing the time. What else is there? Just travelling, and that is what I cannot do right now. Absolute financial ruin awaits me. If I lose my job, or fall seriously ill, straightaway I am effectively bankrupt. I am on the edge. On the tightrope above the abyss all the time. I want my own little nest. And someone to share it with? Only --, I cannot imagine anyone else. Since we split, I have not met anyone I would want a relationship with.
Come April and May paydays I should really be feeling the difference in my finances.


Tuesday, 13 March 2018

Yes saving money so I can make a £400 profit every month is one thing but to spend my whole three days off at home in my bedroom is so life-denying

Yes, saving money so I can make a £400 profit every month is one thing; but to spend my whole three days off at home in my bedroom is so life-denying. It is just three days  of my life wasted. Depressing. We do not live to depress ourselves. It is false economy. Better to have my Monday nap, then get out to -- for a few sleepy beers then home. I live for pornography, for priapism, for persistent erection of the penis. Just have to balance it. No vast long massively expensive cross European journeys to Berlin and Vienna. Just little visits to London pubs instead.
By May I should have £1,950 in reserve (£650 in bank plus the 1300 overdraft). Can afford a once a week couple of sleepy pints in the -- I am sure. In lieu of the wonderful Brussels and Vienna adventures. I am really looking forward to getting back to the Hawkshaw and the --. That says it all. If I feel a real excitement to do it, then it is the right thing for me to do. A river cuts its own course.

Saturday, 10 March 2018

Sex, depletion, post-coital weepiness, it's all here in this SENSATIONAL account of my explorations of the florid & lurid red light districts of Vienna and Brussels - TWELFTH NIGHT (£3). Carnal satisfaction assured


Those incredible early Berlin Stuttgarter Platz memories coming out of BEC so so so turned on from the videokabins then pissing against a tree in the street just busting was I before going on to Hanky Panky or Mon Cheri

Those incredible early Berlin Stuttgarter Platz memories, coming out of BEC so so so turned on from the videokabins, then pissing against a tree in the street just busting was I, before going on to Hanky Panky or Mon Cheri. Incredible high nights. But oh, I have still got WSK, Fifth Avenue, Cine Paris, Manhattan. Oh, the hunger.
Oh God, I am thinking more and more that YES, I do want to go to sit in -- for a few beers on Monday. Self denial is impossible. I stayed away from strip pubs all that time because I really didn't want to go. I really don't want to go to -- now, activeley do not want to . But I AM DRAWN to -- right now. It only needs one awful visit and I will be cured of -- again, but while the desire is there I should go. I do not need to store up TOO MUCH reserve; I have to reduce my cards NOW, and I have to live now, and let blood pump around my body. At the moment -- pumps the blood around my body and to deny that will stultify me and fossilise me. Yes, nap on Monday morning, then -- on 2 o'clock train to Cannon Street. I did enjoy that last week. Should be nice windy and rainy by that time.

Filled with adrenalin by typing that draft --- email in bed I suddenly thought Yes! I do want to return to -- and Berenice Monday!

Filled with adrenalin by typing that draft --- email in bed, I suddenly thought Yes! I do want to return to -- and Berenice Monday! Don't care the cost. So what another £60. That is a drop in the ocean, compared to what I am saving by not travelling. Oh but if I am spending £100 a week in strip clubs again that is all my £400 monthly profit gone, and that is all hope of reducing my credit cards gone. It is such a waste of money to sit for all those hours in --. The longer I sit in -- wasting my money on Berenice, the longer it will be before I will ever again be able to have a flat of my own to take a girl like Berenice back to.
Maybe I could compromise a bit and go straight to Cannon Street Hawkshaw from work and have a few pints BEFORE going home to sleep? Seriously consider it. Then I will be knocked out proper, and sleep like a baby through to late Monday evening, and then maybe even have such hangover Tuesday I will stay in then too. Then just Wednesday to get through. Spending £16 in Hawkshaw Monday morning will actually save me a lot more money later.

TWELFTH NIGHT New! In paperback £5 & ebook £3 Being a journal of my travels to the florid & lurid red-light districts of Vienna, Brussels & Germany January to December 2014


Friday, 9 March 2018

Opened my eyes finally at 230PM so that is a solid 5 hours probably. Day dreaming about fire evacuations 5 seconds to get out then about Nazis who have their go-to women

Opened my eyes finally at 230PM, so that is a solid 5 hours probably. Day dreaming about fire evacuations, 5 seconds to get out, then about Nazis who have their go-to women dedicated to service them in event of war situation. Then thinking all about Berenice from -- as being the Nazi commanders' No.1 Go To girl. Very hard erection.
Thinking about -- of course; but oh, really must abstain this coming week. Christ I feel no desire at all to return to --. That is good! Amazing. Really just visits to -- or -- now. Thinking about Vienna again, oh, the Cafe Westend, Manhattan, WSK. The Dorint. Pizza, Gosser beer.
I wonder how long it will be before I finally go back to Brussels even? It has been two months already.

My ninth book SEPARATION (£2 ebook, £4 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored

My ninth book SEPARATION (£2 ebook, £4 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored
GARE DU MIDI—Eurostar terminal in Brussels. Connecting trains to Munich, Vienna, Berlin, etc.
GARE DU NORD—northern rail station in Brussels, next to the Rue d’Aerschot where the window girls can be found.
GASCOGNE—CLOSED—topless only strip club in Brussels. Now a karaoke bar.
GOETHESTRAßE—road in Munich parallel with Schillerstraße with just a couple of girlie bars.
GURTEL—main red light district in Vienna heading up north from Westbahnhof. A shadow of its former self but still a number of clubs left.
HANKY PANKY formerly STUTTI FRUTTI—CLOSED—nightbar in Stuttgarter Platz, Berlin. In a bedroom above this club (and next door Mon Cheri, both clubs led up to same rooms) I lost my Berlin virginity in 2003.
INTERCITY HOTEL—one of my two favourite hotels in Munich. In same block as the Hauptbahnhof
KANTHOTEL—one of my favourite hotels in Berlin, Kantstraße. On the corner of Stuttgarter Platz.
LAMM’S—CLOSED—my favourite restaurant in Munich, Sendlinger Tor Platz, before it was shut down for breaches of hygiene and working practice regulations. Now Kennedy’s Irish Pub
LAUFHAUS—a multi-storey building full of floozies. You walk along the corridors and all the floozies have their bedroom doors open so you can look in at them as you pass before making your choice
MANHATTAN—nightbar in Vienna’s Gurtel opposite the Dorint Hotel.
MAX HOTEL—one of my two favourite hotels in Brussels, Boulevard Adolphe Max.
MAZURKA—CLOSED— nightbar full of floozies in Berlin, Lietzenburgerstraße
METROPOLE HOTEL—last of the great 19th century hotels left in Brussels. Out of my price range I suspect but a thing of great beauty.
MON CHERI—CLOSED—nightbar in Stuttgarter Platz, Berlin. In bedrooms above this club I lost my Berlin virginity.
NAG’S HEAD—a strip pub in Whitechapel Road, London, where girls strip completely naked on a stage for £1 in the pot.

Thursday, 8 March 2018

My websites pretty moribund. Perhaps one small entry a day on Casanova, possibly something on Diary of Samuel Peeps

My websites pretty moribund. Perhaps one small entry a day on Casanova, possibly something on Diary of Samuel Peeps. That is it. All quiet at work. Just topped up £20 on my oyster! If I DON'T go out on my three days off I will save £11. If I go out one day just on train only I will save £5. But silly to spend another £47 if I have nowhere to go on my days off. -- definitely no way, and will try to avoid -- till April, so that is it really. Maybe just go for a few beers in -- & Porcupine early one day, but that hopefully is all.
Oh there is nothing greater than pornography. Than the Cine Paris, or the old Scala when Russ Meyer films were on. Hands creeping into my lap.


Woke about 251 so that is a solid 4 hours after a long morning session mostly men's shower rooms. Thinking more then ever about Cine Paris

Woke about 251, so that is a solid 4 hours, after a long morning session, mostly men's shower rooms. Thinking more then ever about Cine Paris. I need these occasional blow outs though, to help keep me on the straight and narrow. I feel no desire for Sonia or Berenice at all; only for Cine Paris and WSK. They are my spiritual homes, where I feel truly happiest in all the world. Better than any relationships.
Also the Bank of England voted to keep interest rates at 0.25% but several members of the committee felt they would need to rise later this year. That too would be disastrous for me. Also of course the ongoing cloud at work. More than anything I am excited by thought of reducing my credit card debt. If I CAN keep myself on the straight and narrow. When the nice weather comes maybe go out for some very early pints in the Porcupine like the old days. Then straight back home by 1PM or something. That will knock me out and let me sleep for rest of day.

Wednesday, 7 March 2018

My ninth book SEPARATION (£2 ebook, £4 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored

My ninth book SEPARATION (£2 ebook, £4 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored
ABCAT CINEMA—CLOSED—tiny porn cinema in the Caledonian Road, King’s Cross, London
ASTRAL CINEMA—CLOSED—large porn cinema in Soho. First one I ever went to
ATLANTIC CITY—strip club in Schillerstraße, Munich. Pretty much topless only
AXE—a strip pub in Hackney Road, London, where girls strip completely naked on a stage for £1 in the pot
BERLIN ZOO—formerly the main terminus railway station in West Berlin for trains from Western Europe; trains now pass right through on their way to the new Central Railway Station (Berlin Hauptbahnhof)
BRUSSELS GRILL—chain of steak restaurants in Brussels
BOULEVARD—CLOSED—strip club in Soho, London
CALIFORNIA—CLOSED—peep show and videokabins in Brussels, Boulevard Adolphe Max
CARNIVAL—CLOSED—strip club in Old Compton Street, Soho, London. Second strip club I ever went to
CINÉ ABC—CLOSED—porn cinema with hourly full-nude striptease on the hour every hour in Brussels, Boulevard Adolphe Max. Showing only old 1970s porn films.
CINÉ PARIS—porn cinema showing latest Marc Dorcel porn films in Boulevard Adolphe Max, Brussels.
CIRO—a nightbar full of floozies in Berlin, Rankestraße
CLUB 77—nightbar full of floozies at No.77 Kantstraße Berlin
DEAN STREET—Soho street where I saw my first ever naked woman, in Sunset Strip at No.30 Dean Street, and lost my virginity, to a “French model” in the walk up at No.61. Karl Marx lived at No.28 Dean Street from 1851 to 1856 while working on the first volume of Das Kapital.
DOME—Café du Dôme of the Hôtel le Dôme in Brussels, one of my favourite drinking spots. On the corner of Place Rogier, Boulevard Adolphe Max and the Boulevard du Jardin Botanique. Easily spotted as the hotel built in 1901 has a big blue globe of the Earth on top of it.
DORINT—my favourite hotel in Vienna. Now called the Mercure Wien Westbahnhof.
EMPIRE—strip club in Brussels. Topless only
ESMERALDA—my name for prostitutes, after the prostitute in Death in Venice.
FANTASY VIDEOS—CLOSED—small porn cinema in City Road, London
FIFTH AVENUE—a daytime bar full of floozies in Brussels. What the French call a brasserie à femmes
FLYING SCOTSMAN—CLOSED—a strip pub in Caledonian Road, King’s Cross, London, where girls stripped completely naked on a stage for £1 in the pot. The owners closed it in 2015 and turned it into a normal pub called The Scottish Stores.
FORTUNA—a porn cinema in Vienna. Used to have a couple of ladies inside to give the male customers a hand or more than a hand; this now forbidden.

OK so I had my big -- blowout which has got that out of my system, now I have had my big -- blowout which has hopefully got this out of my system. Berenice from Turkey

OK so I had my big -- blowout which has got that out of my system, now I have had my big -- blowout which has hopefully got this out of my system. Berenice from Turkey, Amy big, Natalie big. One dance with Berenice. Stay in next week. To make up for this £150 withdrawal this week.
Back on the straight and narrow now.
It is good to let your hair down now & again. All seems quiet at work. Looks like I should get most of April as planned at least, so the good bank holiday weekend.
After the event I feel no sexiness at all for either Sonia in -- or Berenice in --; but so much sexiness at thought of being back in Cine Paris again. I feel more of a phobia, a repulsion at thought of being back in -- or -- again, which is good. And helpful.  Maybe make a visit to -- a once a month treat.  Really need to not spend another penny on strippers in March. Or beer. Then I can make a £500 profit this month, and pay an extra £100 off my cards again. Baby steps.

Tuesday, 6 March 2018

Monday was warm and sunny and like first day of spring. I could not sleep so went out to get the 12 o'clock to Cannon Street

Monday was warm and sunny and like first day of spring. I could not sleep so went out to get the 12 o'clock to Cannon Street. Crossing bottom of -- and turning up station road was little blonde. Around the corner she took her coat off and I could see she was wearing little black trouser suit one-piece, and her little arse was bouncing and wobbling around. So sexy. Overtook her, then saw her coming down steps of platform towards me, low-cut black top, blue tint shades, had to take three looks at her.
Then sexy barmaid in Hawkshaw, brown bun hair, tight plum dress so tight I could see the ribbing on her bra and large breasts. Sadly she only served me the first pint and I never saw her when going back for 2 and 3. One more pint in the Crosse Keys then 48 bus to Hackney Road. --- behind bar, she thinks --- is in  Brazil at the moment. Maybe it is her who has retired?
Terrifyingly I have no memory of how I got home. I fell asleep with my lenses in. No memory of leaving --, of getting back to station, getting train, walking home. None at all. Scary. I seem to have got through £60. £16 on pints before --, let's say £20 on four pints when I got there perhaps, that would be £24 to the girls, but I certainly don't remember seeing 24 stage dances! I think I can remember one only.
I do remember later on a pretty black-haired girl in blue dress, Berenice from Turkey. Prettiest stripper I have seen for long time. It was her I was thinking of this morning. Now I want to go straight back today. But later.


Monday, 5 March 2018

SEPARATION In paperback £4 and ebook £2 Being a journal of my travels to Brussels & Germany July to December 2013


Two cans of lager on train home and sure enough I could not cum or feel anything at all before sleep so I gave up and just slept

Two cans of lager on train home and sure enough I could not cum, or feel anything at all before sleep so I gave up and just slept. Heard --- leaving at 2 so around 4 hours sleep perhaps, interrupted once very early by piss. Thinking a lot about Cine Paris and desire to be really naughty in there, not just poke my cock out but pull my trousers down to my ankles and be completely naked in there. The women do come in there once in a while, that is three I've seen now? So worth spending time in there. Missing it for sure. But oh I have to keep on with this saving. Especially with not knowing what is going on here at ---.

My eighth book MARRIAGE (£2 ebook, £4.50 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored

My eighth book MARRIAGE (£2 ebook, £4.50 paperback) now with Glossary, to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored
EMPIRE—strip club in Brussels. Topless only
ESMERALDA—my name for prostitutes, after the prostitute in Death in Venice.
FLYING SCOTSMAN—CLOSED—a strip pub in Caledonian Road, King’s Cross, London, where girls stripped completely naked on a stage for £1 in the pot. The owners closed it in 2015 and turned it into a normal pub called The Scottish Stores.
FORTUNA—a porn cinema in Vienna. Used to have a couple of ladies inside to give the male customers a hand or more than a hand; this now forbidden.
GARE DU MIDI—Eurostar terminal in Brussels. Connecting trains to Munich, Vienna, Berlin, etc.
GARE DU NORD—northern rail station in Brussels, next to the Rue d’Aerschot where the window girls can be found.
GASCOGNE—CLOSED—topless only strip club in Brussels. Now a karaoke bar.
GOETHESTRAßE—road in Munich parallel with Schillerstraße with just a couple of girlie bars.
GURTEL—main red light district in Vienna heading up north from Westbahnhof. A shadow of its former self but still a number of clubs left.
HANKY PANKY formerly STUTTI FRUTTI—CLOSED—nightbar in Stuttgarter Platz, Berlin. In a bedroom above this club (and next door Mon Cheri, both clubs led up to same rooms) I lost my Berlin virginity in 2003.
-etc etc

I HAVE to keep saving money now in case of any life-changing disasters; i.e. me suffering an incapacitating illness, me losing my job or suffering devastating paycut

I HAVE to keep saving money now in case of any life-changing disasters; i.e. me suffering an incapacitating illness, me losing my job or suffering devastating paycut. But I cannot be depressed about my enormous debt, because what memories that brought! Just in the last 2-3 years, Andrea, Lucy, Inna, Diana, Leyla; WSK Amanda, Jackie, Mongolian; Manhattan Melissa, Adelina etc etc. Extraordinary memories, extraordinary sexual encounters. That is what I spent that money on and I do not regret any of it. The greatest memories of my life were bought with that money. So now I try to pay some of it back, so I can soon start again.

All that matters in pornography and its related bedfellow whores. Did some fascinating work recalculating my balance of payments percentage

All that matters in pornography, and its related bedfellow whores.  Did some fascinating work recalculating my balance of payments percentage, now including my hotels & trains in my monthly spend figures to show the REAL shortfall every month. My deficit goes from -10% in January to -2% in February then finally to +3% in this month of March (if all goes well). The first surplus for years. The longer the devastating paycut can be delayed the more time I have to whittle away at my credit card debt, and reduce the minimum repayments as much as possible. Anyway, FINALLY I am saving money and living within my means; but has it come too late. Just glad it came at all. Let us see how long our stay of execution will be.


Thursday, 1 March 2018

My eighth book MARRIAGE (£2 ebook, £4.50 paperback) now with Glossary to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored

My eighth book MARRIAGE (£2 ebook, £4.50 paperback) now with Glossary, to help you understand the florid & lurid locations explored
ATLANTIC CITY—strip club in Schillerstraße, Munich. Pretty much topless only
AXE—a strip pub in Hackney Rd, London,where girls strip completely naked for £1 in the pot
BERLIN ZOO—formerly the main terminus railway station in West Berlin for trains from Western Europe; trains now pass right through on their way to the new Central Railway Station (Berlin Hauptbahnhof)
BRUSSELS GRILL—chain of steak restaurants in Brussels
BOULEVARD—CLOSED—strip club in Soho, London
CALIFORNIA—CLOSED—peep show and videokabins in Brussels, Boulevard Adolphe Max
CARNIVAL—CLOSED—strip club in Old Compton Street, Soho, London. Second strip club I ever went to
CINÉ ABC—CLOSED—porn cinema with hourly full-nude striptease on the hour every hour in Brussels, Boulevard Adolphe Max. Showing only old 1970s porn films.
CINÉ PARIS—porn cinema showing latest Marc Dorcel porn films in Boulevard Adolphe Max, Brussels.
CLUB 77—nightbar at No.77 Kantstraße Berlin
DEAN STREET—Soho street where I saw my first ever naked woman, in Sunset Strip at No.30 Dean Street, and lost my virginity, to a “French model” in the walk up at No.61. Karl Marx lived at No.28 Dean Street from 1851 to 1856 while working on the first volume of Das Kapital.
DOME—Café du Dôme of the Hôtel le Dôme in Brussels, one of my favourite drinking spots. On the corner of Place Rogier, Boulevard Adolphe Max and the Boulevard du Jardin Botanique. Easily spotted as the hotel built in 1901 has a big blue globe of the Earth on top of it.
DORINT—my favourite hotel in Vienna. Now called the Mercure Wien Westbahnhof.
--etc etc

Still feel sombre and down as if I cannot believe the good news is real but also aware it is only a temporary stay. Disaster just deferred one more month

Still feel sombre and down, as if I cannot believe the good news is real, but also aware it is only a temporary stay. Disaster just deferred one more month. Yet also thought that this only being about to see one month ahead every time, with this permanent stormcloud always hanging over us, will actually be a good thing, as it will FORCE me to say on straight & narrow---as disaster is always potentially just 30 days away. Again bad luck turns out to be such good luck. I realise I spend a BARE MINIMUM of £1,300 each month, that is without travelling or strip pubs. So back to minimum repayments only. This temporary stay should enable me to pocket a full month of April money and that will bring my bank "permanently" into credit, my no.1 goal. Gives me that permanent £1,300 reserve kept back for emergencies (deposit on rent). The thought of travelling back to Brussels already and spending all that money still feels horrible; allergic to the idea. Like allergic to the idea of going and spending a whole day at --- again. Or drinking coke. First day of spring, I could perhaps return to a London pub once a week. But surely -- is finished again, for a long time.