Monday, 30 April 2018

My God there are some busty girls in the Rue d’Aerschot. But none enough to lure me in

My God, there are some busty girls in the Rue d’Aerschot. But none enough to lure me in. Completely unaroused in the Cine Paris, though the films up & downstairs were probably the same as yesterday, just different scenes, not even the slightest swelling. And the Red Devil bar at the end of Rue d’Aerschot has not got Jupiler on tap today, so I had to buy a bottle; another sign of the rubbishness of this holiday. I see little chance of it picking up. My mojo is low to non-existent. Anyway, the Red Devil has quality urinals, which is the main reason I wanted to come in here. 220 still ridiculously early, I will have another beer or 2 in the bars further down the road, then head back to Fifth. Before 4 probably, but at least a better, more propitious time than yesterday. Honestly, though, no desire for anything except continued drinking, lovely food to finish the day then bed. Final little session in Cine Paris perhaps and walk around Rue des Cendres and Rue de la Blanchisserie, but no desire for anything more.

The former Paradise Peep Show & Videokabins (another one gone)


Still -- seems the focal point of my life. My mental life, my emotional life, even though we are not together

Still -- seems the focal point of my life. My mental life, my emotional life, even though we are not together. I still orbit around her star, a distant orbit, but quite happily so. I cannot give her what she needs, and cannot be the man she wants—any man who can be the man his woman wants is not really a man, surely. Less than a man. A castrated man. An emasculated man. The type of man who is taking over Europe, at least, unfortunately. “Snowflake” man, if I have understood the meaning of this phrase correctly. 120. Any man who can be the man his woman wants him to be is a man who I instinctively, perhaps stupidly, lack respect for. A nice man, for sure. And I envy him his happiness and his contentment to be with the woman he so patently loves. Yet nice, it can never be me. Never.

When at home in London on the treadmill I crave the erotic pleasures of Brussels and think when I get back there I am going to f--k every half-decent floozie I see!

When at home in London, on the treadmill, I crave the erotic pleasures of Brussels, and think when I get back there I am going to f--k every half-decent floozie I see! But then I get here, and feel nothing but reluctance, and reticence, to get involved, and do anything, even though it is all there on offer. This reluctance, and reticence, only grows & grows the older I get; but still I carry on. Like Phedre “continuing to seduce long after seduction has ceased to be a pleasure”. Like Smiles of a Summer Night, “flirting with rescue when one has no intention of being saved”. Increasingly locked up within myself, I discover I have become LESS rampant the older I get, not more. More confident, more freedom, more money, yet I do less than I ever did before, when I was so much crippled by shame, poverty, etc.


I leave the hotel on my second & last day in Brussels with 140 euros in my pocket. I am now confident that this will be enough to last me the whole trip (now that Empire & Jennifer are ruled out)

I leave the hotel on my second & last day in Brussels with 140 euros in my pocket. I am now confident that this will be enough to last me the whole trip (now that Empire & Jennifer are ruled out). But if I am going to Rue d’Aerschot, bar to girl, for 70 euros, to Fifth Avenue and 20 at bar, which leaves me just 50, not enough for a Fifth Avenue room! So no, maybe not enough after all. And don’t forget I need cash to pay the taxi driver early tomorrow morning.

Sunday, 29 April 2018

It is the eternal problem—you wash your hands after going to the toilet but then have to turn the door handle to leave the room

It is the eternal problem—you wash your hands after going to the toilet but then have to turn the door handle to leave the room, thereby picking up all the shit & piss from the animals who have not had the intelligence to wash their own hands before you. The washbasins really need to be in a open section not behind a door. If you have washbasins in a toilet, then a door for people to open, then there is no point having the washbasins. Surely? At airports and railway stations I think this is normally the case; it is usually open entry. But office buildings & hotels, in my experience, always have a DOOR leading into toilet areas. This has to be wrong.
As always, the enduring miracle, why are we not all swimming in shit? When you think of the amount of shit that human beings are constantly excreting, why our cities do not smell constantly of shit. An effective sewerage system the enduring monument of modern human civilisation. On my 4th beer, and it is starting to tell.
Always I want to follow the EASIEST route; that is why I always go straight to Fifth Avenue even if I know it is too early for the quality girls and therefore pointless. A river cuts its easiest course. This is why I still keep going to Fifth Avenue too early, rather than Rue d’Aerschot where the more beautiful girls can be found. It is too far to walk? Not sure it isn’t exactly the same distance to Fifth as it is to Rue d’Aerschot.
Ah, my crazy man! My first sight on this trip. Over outside the door of the Plaza with a crutch. He is rubbing his chin, looking in this direction, probably seeing me and thinking the same thing, “Ah, that crazy man in the hotel! My first sight of him in a long time!” We never see ourselves as others see us. As always, I wonder what is his story. He does not look like an unintelligent man, why does he live this empty life? As always, he could say exactly the same thing about me, with great justification.
But what gives a life “point”? To settle down, get married, have a mortgage, 2.4 children, once a year holiday in Spain? Or live alone, travelling several times a year to Brussels, Vienna, Berlin, Munich, always alone? Does one have more “point” than the other? Discuss. A river cuts its own course. I do what gives me pleasure. Or try to.

Most people are Blood Type O or A or whatever it is; I think they would list me at various times as Blood Type Jupiler or Blood Type Maes

Most people are Blood Type O, or A, or whatever it is; I think they would list me at various times as Blood Type Jupiler, or Blood Type Maes. Blood Type Fosters. The presence of alcohol in my blood is probably almost constant, even though, thanks to work, I do always go 4 or 5 days at a time without any consumption. The trouble comes from my excessive indulgence in my days off. It is a bit crazy; instead of sitting here in the Max Hotel lounge drinking beer, I might as well be sitting in the Cine Paris drinking beer. At least something more stimulating to look at when I am drinking. Still I delay my departure, for one more, one more.


Thankfully the presence of a McDonald’s 20 yards away has lured the American ladies away

Thankfully the presence of a McDonald’s 20 yards away has lured the American ladies away. I am only being rude jokingly; they are very pretty, and I would not mind a McDonald’s myself but am trying to be strong and stay hungry. A full stomach is the enemy of Eros and will kill any last chance I have of my erotic flame, poor little pilot light, sparking into any explosion whatsoever. Or if not explosion, at least some chance of heat. Probably though I’ll just stay here in the hotel and drink myself into a stupor. A Jupiler stupor. A Maes haze (or Maes farce, if I pronounce it correctly).

Friday, 27 April 2018

These American girls have obviously been here before because they knew the location of the change machine

These American girls have obviously been here before because they knew the location of the change machine, one of them did at least. Christ, they are loud. I woke with a very sore shoulder, so I must have been sleeping uncomfortably. I was dreaming I was a receptionist trying to check in visitors to my building, but I didn’t know how to use the visitor badge computer program, and they were looking at me with such contempt, and I felt so embarrassed, and one of them was Benedict Cumberbatch, and he was particularly withering in his contempt for me. I certainly woke up feeling embarrassed, and with a painful shoulder. The Americans are obviously too early to check in so are going to be here in the lounge for a long time. That should inspire me to kick on and maybe head up to Gare du Nord sooner rather than later. But it is insane, Rue d’Aerschot is full of really beautiful women, but I feel no real desire to go there. “I seem to have lost the passion and forgotten the desire”. Though I would do anything for Sally Bundock.


I am pretty sure I have walked through Place Rouppe on my way to Le Coin but had no idea of its historical significance (where Verlaine tried to shoot Rimbaud a second time)

I am pretty sure I have walked through Place Rouppe, on my way to Le Coin, but had no idea of its historical significance (where Verlaine tried to shoot Rimbaud a second time); and I’ve been to Rue des Cendres once or twice visiting that awful little hostess bar which has gone by various names; have probably even been along Rue de la Montagne; but I never realised the historical significance of these streets I am walking. It adds so much excitement to just walking down a street to know the artistic heroes who have walked the same street before. This is how INTELLIGENCE and KNOWLEDGE make life more pleasurable. How thin life must seem for dumb, ignorant, mentally lazy people. I cannot imagine it.

There are a few cultural things I would like to do in Brussels—visit Rue de la Montagne, the site of the famous Hôtel du Grand Miroir where Baudelaire stayed during his unhappy sojourn in Brussels

There are a few cultural things I would like to do in Brussels—visit Rue de la Montagne, the site of the famous Hôtel du Grand Miroir where Baudelaire stayed during his unhappy sojourn in Brussels which he hated, and where he kept a bat in a cage as his pet that he captured in a nearby cemetery. Place Rouppe where Verlaine tried to shoot poor Rimbaud for a SECOND time; only after this was he arrested and charged and began his 2 years in prison. He had been escorting Rimbaud to the Gare du Midi to see him off to Paris when his jealousy overcame him again. The Rue Ducale 51 where Byron stayed for 2 nights after fleeing England for the last time once & for all. And most of all the corner of Rue des Cendres and Rue de la Blanchisserie—where the Duchess of Richmond gave “the most famous ball in history”, attended by Wellington and his generals on the eve of the Battle of Quatre Bras (four bras? Phwoar!), which preceded the Battle of Waterloo by 2 days. It goes without saying I have been to almost all these places already without realising the historical importance of the place I was. That is why it really does pay to do some research before visiting a city, even one I have visited a million times—it adds so much value to a visit to know the history under your feet every street you walk down. On Rue des Cendres of course is also the site of the Hospital St Jean that Baudelaire was taken to after his massive stroke, and where Rimbaud was taken after Verlaine shot him (unless that was the Hospital St Jean on the Passage 44 site; there were two hospitals of almost identical names about 50 yards apart). Five very loud American women have just “filled” the lounge. How loud Americans always seem to be (Spaniards are quieter but get up very early to scoff all the croissants). 1215 just finished my second beer of the day.


Thursday, 26 April 2018

And it doesn’t matter how poor or unarousing my stay in Brussels is I still want to be here

And it doesn’t matter how poor or unarousing my stay in Brussels is, I still want to be here. There is always the thought that there MIGHT be a great film in Cine Paris today, or there MIGHT be a great girl in Fifth Avenue today—one of those girls that blows your mind. It only takes one girl to bring a whole city to life, as I always say. That is the incredible power of woman.

And Empire was so poor it for sure makes me not want to go back there Wednesday night and will hesitate a lot about ever going back for a long time after that as well

And Empire was so poor it for sure makes me not want to go back there Wednesday night, and will hesitate a lot about ever going back for a long time after that as well. Without Jennifer—one of the most incredibly beautiful dancers ever—it is really poor. I should only come here on a Friday or a Saturday night when at least the atmosphere is better. In a spirit of defiant masochism I may step into Gascogne tonight, if open, for the ritual 20 euro waste of time with lots of hassle/hustle. And yes the Cine Paris films were no more than OK, but what joy to be sitting again in a proper luxurious porn cinema; of the type that no longer exists in London since the tragic demise of Astral, Sunset and Soho Cinemas. 1153 My first Jupiler of the day finished. Out to shop for a second one.


I was shocked to see so few “girls” on the street along the Rue des Commercants drag

I was shocked to see so few “girls” on the street along the Rue des Commercants drag. There were just 2 girls on the Pelican corner around Café Jimmy, just 2 girls on the street between Pelican and Flamingo, just 2 girls on the Flamingo corner around the old closed Café Flamingo, and then just 2 girls on the Rue des Commercants itself between Flamingo and Fifth Avenue. The Mayor Yvan Mayeur’s determination to “depress” & eradicate the Alhambra scene by fining the girls and their clients 350 euros each is apparently working. Though, again, I was perhaps just too early. The early Fifth Avenue girls were poor too. The couple of Cine Paris films I saw during my brief half-hour stay were OK—OK meaning they were not the sort of thing I would ever watch at home on my computer, but they at least enabled me to get an erection; so in the in between area of being “OK”. The disaster is films that are so bad I cannot even get an erection, and the great pleasure is a film so good that I rush to find it on my computer as soon as I get back home.

I loved the old Brussels Museum of Modern Art (modern in this sense roughly 1789-1939)

I loved the old Brussels Museum of Modern Art (modern in this sense roughly 1789-1939) which had 6-8 wonderful Magrittes on its walls; but then they decided they would take over all the space of the Museum of Modern Art and turn it into a Magritte Museum only; wall to wall Magrittes, complete Magritte overkill. Milking the Magritte cow for all its worth. Devastating. The Belgian Government it seems has forced Brussels city to put back all the other pieces in the original building—criminally all the wonderful treasures have been IN STORAGE, hidden from view, all these years. They did open a Fin de Siecle Museum down in the basement levels, appallingly lit, appallingly laid out, like a Token Afterthought Museum—it pains me to go there despite the wonderful works of art it contains. The old Museum of Modern Art was one of my favourite places in all the world, its continued closure is an open wound, and I look forward impatiently to its resurrection—but things move slowly in Brussels.


A bright blue-skied April day, not a cloud in the sky, but cold, no more than 9ºC maximum expected today

A bright blue-skied April day, not a cloud in the sky, but cold, no more than 9ºC maximum expected today. At least by starting my drinking later today I give myself a chance of being at Fifth Avenue during the more “fertile” hours of 5-8, which means try to avoid it until then. Try to spend the afternoon in the Rue d’Aerschot. Soldiers still patrolling the streets in their pairs.

Sophie Kamaruddin on Bloomberg Hong Kong






1120 I arrive in the Max Hotel lounge on my second (and last) day. So as usual yesterday was really ruined by drink

1120 I arrive in the Max Hotel lounge on my second (and last) day. So as usual yesterday was really ruined by drink—to be precise by starting drinking too early (630am!) and getting to Fifth Avenue too early (130?). I hung on as long as I could hoping someone good would come in but they didn’t, then I grabbed a ridiculously large pizza on the way back to the hotel and that was it; out like a light to 8pm or so. Then the hangover made me just not want to move. Mentally I was trying to force myself to go back for a late session at Fifth, then a late session at Cine Paris before they closed, before on to Empire, but I just lay in bed watching the Real Madrid v Bayern Munich game and when I did force myself to Cine Paris at 1025 he told me they were already closed (he too was watching the game). Straight to Empire, just 4 ordinary girls and only ONE other customer, and crucially no Jennifer. Struggled to finish my one beer then came back to bed. A less than thrilling day in Brussels then but at least it was relatively cheap, though I seem to have got through nearly 90 euros.

Wednesday, 25 April 2018

Blonde in grey sweater, black leggings, running past Bimbo and her huge breasts bouncing under the sweater. Amazing 10/10. In the hotel lounge

Blonde in grey sweater, black leggings, running past Bimbo and her huge breasts bouncing under the sweater. Amazing 10/10. In the hotel lounge. 1120. Too early for check in. The blondie passed back under my window, as I was hoping, and has disappeared into the mini-supermarket shop over the road—and not reappeared. Perhaps she lives in the apartments above. Having those two pints of beer at St Pancras before 630AM (!) was not really a good idea. Here on my first Jupiler I already feel sleepily drunk. Completely sexless, unerotic. Perhaps just go for a very early Cine Paris session, a very early Fifth Avenue session, then back mid-afternoon for a sleep; back out to Fifth after 8 for the late knockings and straight on to Empire.

Bloody hell I just cried my eyes out watching Jacques Brel songs and interviews. What a great man. My love for Brussels and Belgium just grows and grows

Bloody hell I just cried my eyes out watching Jacques Brel songs and interviews. What a great man. My love for Brussels and Belgium just grows and grows. Time to start packing, and preening. I expect I will leave 430AM to get the 445AM night bus, if it still exists.

Before going to a place I should do lots of research so when I visit a place it really means something like this place in Brussels where "the most famous ball in history" was held

Before going to a place I should do lots of research so when I visit a place it really means something, like this place in Brussels where "the most famous ball in history" was held. I have been to that road many times but it meant nothing. Doing your research before visiting a place, in depth research, gives added value to every step you take in a city. And that goes even for cites I have visited numerous times before, such as Brussels, Vienna, Berlin, Munich etc. The history of these places is so rich and I have not even scratched the surface.
I cannot lose, if I go and spend lots of money and have a great erotic time of it I will be happy. If I go and see NOBODY and don't spend any money I will come happy then as well. It is win win.  *** Christ how amazing it will be to be back in Fifth Avenue! Back in Cine Paris! Back in Rue d'Aerschot! All these floozies around me.


Tuesday, 24 April 2018

Well bloody hell my Eurostar to Brussels 647AM! Quite good actually, means I avoid those rush hour trains into London

Well, bloody hell, my Eurostar to Brussels 647AM! Quite good actually, means I avoid those rush hour trains into London, and in fact will have to get the nice quiet Night Bus 445AM, arrive Trafalgar Square 535, up to St Pancras by 610. Perfect. Arrive Brussels 10AM exactly. Time I get to hotel perfect time for McDonald's. Still that problem though of getting to Fifth too early! Try for Cine Paris couple of hours, then early Fifth, then up to windows, then come back to Fifth a second time by 5. Excited yes. Travel has brought me all my greatest memories, that is why I spend so much on it. My only regret is I didn't travel more. Enjoy Stuttgarter Platz more before it went, enjoy Cine ABC more before it went, Fortuna Kino etc etc. Do something with Martina in Nuremberg with the humongous bosoms etc etc. Looking forward to that Night Bus Tuesday morning!
Interesting to see if this visit proves a success, then this could be a model for all future visits to Brussels--just these little two-night Snap journeys.
Even if I book the August 28 to 2nd September Eurostar now it would cost £78. Could get it cheaper a couple of weeks before, if the Snap window was open then of course.


So 927 Saturday night and I travel back to Brussels Tuesday morning. Excited to get my ticket notification with time. Listening to Jacques Brel on Youtube

So 927 Saturday night and I travel back to Brussels Tuesday morning. Excited to get my ticket notification with time. Listening to Jacques Brel on Youtube. Weight slightly down today to 15'3. Life is sweet at the moment, but as we know it is always precarious. But I am lucky and blessed to be here right now. Passing all these new build flats on train to work, still empty floorboards with no furniture, makes me almost yearn for my own little nest again, to be first tenant in a new build little studio flat.
Wasting money in -- or Sunset just delays any chance of having my own flat, or travelling again. Wonder if I will DO anything when in Brussels? Fascinating identifying all these Baudelaire and Verlaine sites, and discovering the "Most famous ball in history" thrown by the Duchess of Richmond for Wellington and his men on the eve of the Battle of Waterloo! On the corner of Rue des Cendres. All the famous places I have been walking around in Brussels all these years without even realising. Rue des Cendres also site of the hospital Baudelaire was taken to after his massive stroke, and where Rimbaud was taken after Verlaine shot him. Need to visit 51 Rue Ducale where Byron stayed for a couple of nights after he finally left England forever. The Place Rousse where Verlaine got upset and threatened to shoot Rimbaud a second time while accompanying him to Gare du Midi to wave him off to Paris.
Some girls just make your heart leap when you see them. Inna in Fifth has that X-factor. Adelina in Manhattan in Vienna had it too; doubt I will ever see her again. One of the greats. I'm not going to go to Brussels this time with any thought for saving money, I want to take Jennifer upstairs for  half an hour whatever it costs, want to have one of the girls at Fifth Avenue both days, plus someone up at Rue d'Aerschot. We will see. Just realised I have not yet had sex this year! Last time was December 27th those two tawdry rubbish encounters with Sasha and Anca in Soho, and before that the mind-blowing encounter with Brazilian Diane in Fifth Avenue. Same night I had the private dance with Jennifer at long last. So, long overdue.

Monday, 23 April 2018

I am lucky that I like to be on my own and never feel lonely. That is a blessing

I am lucky that I like to be on my own, and never feel lonely. That is a blessing. I always feel --- is with me in a funny way. I talk to her all the time.
Such a pretty blonde girl on bus back to Victoria this morning. Waited until I got up to get off after me. Then 4 or 5 pretty French teenagers hanging around outside -- Station when I got home. On way to work by Hard Rock cafe (next to Dracula/Byron's house), blonde in grey fur coat over low-cut black top and massive spilling over bosoms by the looks of it, just a split second glimpse. This is why I travel.
Project for tonight, download some Brussels songs. Mark on Brussels map those Literary Tour places I want to go.
***** 526AM "Some of the greatest writers throughout history have called Brussels home, and many of their works were influenced by their time spent in the Belgian capital. Though you can’t travel back in time, you can still visit the roads where several of these great writers roamed, many of which have remained essentially unchanged. Discover these spots that showcase Brussels’ rich literary history."
"In fact, after the revolution (1830), Belgium established a very liberal constitution, and many persecuted writers chose Brussels as their place of solace. In an attempt to flee their home countries, where their social ideas displeased the government, eminent authors and thinkers sought refuge in Brussels."
Fascinating reading about Baudelaire & Verlaine's haunts in Brussels, their favourite inns, and thinking one day people will write books about my footsteps, the Cafe du Dome where he was in love with a big black Moroccan girl, the Max Hotel, the Brussels Grill, the Cine Paris, an establishment that showed pornographic films (imagine!), Fifth Avenue.


Thinking about cancelling Brussels to save that £270 spending money but I would surely spend around £100 making up for it in London strip clubs

Thinking about cancelling Brussels to save that £270 spending money, but I would surely spend around £100 making up for it in London strip clubs, so it would only save me £170 by not going. I was thinking I should just take out 200 euros when I arrive in Brussels instead of 300, because if I don't do anything on the Tuesday, then that 200 euros will  be more than enough to see me through Wednesday, even if I go with TWO girls. If I go with one or two girls Tuesday then sure, I need another 100 for Wednesday. Try to deliberately refrain on the Tuesday? Ha-ha. We will see. Would be good if I could. Use Tuesday as recon, then go all out for it Wednesday. Still it is Jennifer I think of No.1, then Inna, then A.N.Other Fifth girl, then Gare du Nord windows. Cine Paris after that.

Sunday, 22 April 2018

I ended up getting the 3 o'clock train to Charing Cross, blonde Monica and my little Lucia behind bar

I ended up getting the 3 o'clock train to Charing Cross, blonde Monica and my little Lucia behind bar, long ponytail and glasses. I just stayed there for 7 pints. Nothing of any note. Lot of pretty girls to be honest, but none that stood out in particular. Don't feel like going to see Niki at -- today. Also Paula and A-- at --! Temptation coming from every side!  So much drink yesterday I don't feel like it, worried about my blood pressure in my heart. Head bit sore. And the money. Of course the money.  Today a day for bed, and eating. *** Oh but those tits of Niki's ARE magnificent...And I tell myself you should try to make the most of every moment of your time off. Yes see Niki, then go see that beautiful Beatrice from --, then come home when rush hour has died down. That means another £50 from the bank at least. At least London strippers get fully naked. OK I have talked myself back into it.

Saturday, 21 April 2018

This will be a very interesting journey to Brussels. Why keep going back to the same places? I am still learning about travelling and every time I go back to these four places I am a little bit different

This will be a very interesting journey to Brussels. Why keep going back to the same places? I am still learning about travelling and every time I go back to these four places I am a little bit different, and I try to find ways to enjoy it a little better than before, learn the right tricks to get the most out of it. Sometimes I go and I am out of sorts and everything feels wrong, other times I just feel in the zone and it is magical. That is why even my repeat visits to the same places are still so fascinating to me.
"You are realising what your mission in life is, what you are meant to do." That IS to go to the sleazy places of Europe and enjoy them to the FULL, and write about them; travel diaries, stories. To document this world. That is my mission. That is why I spend my money on it and operate a high debt to do it. In London tick over in -- and Sunset. Amazing how it is Jennifer who comes into my mind constantly, not any of the prostitutes I can have sex with. Just a topless only stripper who will charge me more for a topless only private dance than the prostitutes would charge me for full sex.
0340 Even with this Brussels trip my bank should be at +1827 by June. My credit card debt could be down to £----. My character will stay at the Adolphus Hotel, a fictionalised Max. I can have him f**king the little black hotel manageress as she comes to his room. I can have him f**king the big black girl in the Dome Cafe with enormous bosoms. The great thing about writing an erotic novella I now realise is I don't have to make anything up and feel that horrible fakeness, I just need to describe what really happens. F**king on sofa at back of cinema, etc, getting my cock out in Fifth Avenue. Having cotton wool bud run around tip of my penis soaked in champagne. Just stick to the facts with added ferns and violin music! In London I sit on my days off in the lovely fern-smothered salons of the -- or Sunset Strip. Having some lazy beers surrounded by half-dressed floozies or completely naked floozies slowly undulating on the stage.Living the dream. It is like a never ending opium dream.


I arrived in Brussels for my posting at the Consulate. Already thrilled at the thought of the erotic delights I knew this charming little city could offer me. Confessions of a Brussels Diplomat

I arrived in Brussels for my posting at the Consulate. Already thrilled at the thought of the erotic delights I knew this charming little city could offer me. Confessions of a Brussels Diplomat. Followed by Confessions of a Vienna Diplomat etc. Say this was "before the bombs" and "before Stutti was wiped out" etc. Then update at end, only Sissi and Monte Carlo left now. And muse on the old Berliner ran the Berlin red light district and the old Viennese ran the Vienna red light district but when Eastern European/Russian mobs took over it was the beginning of the end. Nastier people, trafficking, extortion, protection money, it attracted attention of the police and eventually was always going to be shut down completely. Yes this does interest me as the way forward for my next books. But also continue with my Travel Diaries, which after The Struggle to Stay Married, the last great struggle of my life, will be named just that, Travel Diaries Volume 6 2014-2015 etc. Charting the changing landscape of the red light places in Europe as castration, Islamisation, sterilisation takes over. 2141 Sunday night. The -- is a nice little cabaret pub to while away an hour or two in the company of attractive lingerie-clad young women of uncertain morals. As is Sunset. I think that is it now.
Yes so the way forward is Book 5 The Struggle to Stay Married, then Travel Diaries Vol 6, Vol 7, Vol 8 etc. perhaps one for each year. Travel Diary 2014, Travel Diary 2015, etc. Then my new project, Confessions of a Brussels Diplomat, Confessions of a Vienna Diplomat, Confessions of a Munich Diplomat, Confessions of a Berlin Diplomat. Excited.

Friday, 20 April 2018

1970s smut. 1970s aesthetic. The wonderful smell of a porn cinema. All that cum. Christ I want to see -- Beatrice now

1970s smut. 1970s aesthetic. The wonderful smell of a porn cinema. All that cum. Christ, I want to see -- Beatrice now. Sunset Helen. Even Eva's big tits in --. Dangerously aroused now. London eroticism used to be porn cinemas, Soho models, and fully nude strippers. Down steepling stairs into cigar smoke thick basement in dark, in half light men reading their newspapers, with jazz music playing, till curtain squeaks open, papers down, next girl comes on to strip. Tallulah. The first naked woman I ever saw. I could hardly breathe and not just because of the thick smoke.
So many nice girls on way to work, lovely nubile big bosoms. I just remember my "new rule" never go to a naughty place without fucking SOMEONE. We shall see. But I feel I am doing the right thing by taking this Brussels trip now, to relieve the pressure. I DO FEEL PERHAPS I HAVE REACHED THE POINT NOW WHERE I WILL NEVER USE MY CREDIT CARDS AGAIN. I DON'T NEED TO NOW. EVERYTHING I BUY WILL BE FROM MY CURRENT ACCOUNT. AN IMPORTANT POINT I HAVE REACHED. And would be amazing if even WITH this trip to Brussels and all associated expense I remain in surplus for the month. Depends how much I fuck when I get there, and how tempted I am by Jennifer in Empire.


Wednesday, 18 April 2018

OUT NOW! JOURNALS: VOLUME 2 (2002-2005) - A BERLIN GOLDEN AGE Erotic indulgence in the florid & lurid red light districts of Munich, Berlin & Vienna. In Paperback and Ebook

OUT NOW! JOURNALS: VOLUME 2 (2002-2005) - A BERLIN GOLDEN AGE Erotic indulgence in the florid & lurid red light districts of Munich, Berlin & Vienna. In Paperback and Ebook. Previously published individually as Lotta, The Cold Icy Air of the Mountains, and The Morning After, now re-edited with new material.



Scene in the ABC, old crackly film stops, girl walks down aisle and starts to dance to music, as men in front row openly wank their already massive cocks in front of her

Scene in the ABC, old crackly film stops, girl walks down aisle and starts to dance to music, as men in front row openly wank their already massive cocks in front of her, no attempt to hide them. What pleasure in such abandon! The slippery, sloppy sounds of their wet cocks permanently on the verge of coming, but always just holding back, letting it rest for a minute or so, before carrying on. Always to the point of orgasm then backing off again. For hour after hour there in the dark and the thick fug of cigar smoke. Almost to the point of passing out. This was the life he wanted, and he wanted no other. Sort of a written Carry On/Confessions of series. Book 1 Brussels Book 2 Vienna etc. Make much of erotic possibilities of city of Freud, Berg, Klimt etc. Fucking in the Vienna opera house, getting a tram around the Ring afterwards, coming on the tram. Man in ABC upstairs with his big cock poking out of his trousers, "you want this?" Non monsieur! Merci, non. Musing then on Horta, how they should build two great railway station temples to Horta. Musing on Baudelaire, who caught a bat in the cemetery and kept it in his hotel room. An erotic guide book to Brussels. Confessions of a Brussels Diplomat. Brussels eroticism, Viennese eroticism, Berlin eroticism, etc. Each has its own flavour, its own culture. Oh, Jennifer. Oh, Inna. I want Paloma too, and Emily. And Perrie. And Tatiana. Christ, will I do it this time?


Tuesday, 17 April 2018

In my book have a scene in Munich with B--, Patricia, the SNOW, then Emily and champagne, then next day in daze get on train for Vienna

In my book have a scene in Munich with B--, Patricia, the SNOW, then Emily and champagne, then next day in daze get on train for Vienna, and WSK Amanda, and double cum with Manuela, then get on train for Berlin and Riccarda, Wild Hunt etc. It is a story but write it like a diary, just add blooms & blossoms and mad transgressions. What my smutty erotic life is really like.
So I booked the April trip. Just suddenly it felt right. Felt bad with a groan when I woke and remembered, but a river cuts its own course and right now it felt right to break my austerity this way. My credit card debt is being serviced, so relax a bit. Maybe one trip every three months. January now April, then July etc. Could stay home Monday and Tuesday to make up for it, but more likely the excitement will propel me to -- Beatris more than ever. Calcutta, Porcupine, then 38/55 to --.
I think I do feel a bit excited that I HAVE booked the Brussels trip. I am HUNGRY to see Jennifer again in Empire. To feel those breasts in my hands. I want to feel some breasts in my mouth again. To take Jennifer upstairs even. 30 minutes of that girl writhing topless all over me. What a pleasure. Getting hard just thinking about it. "This is the time. Your intuition is telling you now is the time; you've done the legwork. When you are in alignment". I travel to Brussels this time in alignment.
Oh those incredible memories I had in Fortuna Kino, and WSK Vienna. Those incredible back of the cinema sofa fucks in the dark. Mind-blowing. The difference now is I am NEVER going to book any holidays on my credit cards. Never going to even USE my credit cards for anything. If I cannot afford it from my bank, then I will not go. That is a very definite corner that has been turned.  My era of USING credit cards is over; just need to get over the era of being weighed down by the debt. I still keep thinking what a private dance by -- Helen would be like.


Sunday, 15 April 2018

Going Tuesday morning and coming back Thursday morning is just £50 return Snap. I would spend £25 a day anyway in Charing Cross

Going Tuesday morning and coming back Thursday morning is just £50 return Snap. I would spend £25 a day anyway in Charing Cross. £52 Max a night. That is £77 a day for two days. With Tuesday and Wednesday to spend all day in Brussels, Cine Paris, Fifth Avenue, Gare du  Nord., Empire strip.** Et voila, it's done. As soon as I express a doubt about my need for continual austerity I go ahead and book my Brussels two-night trip for week after next. £74 Eurostar, and £106 hotel. £180 total for two nights. As a one off treat it is not bad. For Easter! Rebirth! Resurrection! I was going to break at some time, so might as well be April, get it out of my system.
In my erotic book, have me doing all the smutty things I liked to do, going to my Italian magazine shop. Make it almost semi documentary like The Egyptian Stamp. I hate fiction because of having to write purple prose, and make things up. So don't. Make it just like a documentary description of what I do. Then just let it bloom and blossom a bit crazily.

How lucky I am to be able to travel to Brussels, Vienna, Berlin, to sleep with sexy naked floozies for not much money. I CANNOT BE HORRIFIED AT THAT HUGE DEBT OF MINE

How lucky I am to be able to travel to Brussels, Vienna, Berlin, to sleep with sexy naked floozies for not much money. I CANNOT BE HORRIFIED AT THAT HUGE DEBT OF MINE, BECAUSE IT WAS SPENT ON TRAVELLING AND HAVING SEX WITH FANTASTIC WHORES IN EUROPE. EVERYTHING AND THE ONLY THING I WANT TO DO. It was all money well spent. Starting to wonder if my austerity is going too far now. No need for it really. I can live in austerity when I HAVE TO. While young, and still just about healthy, and still in one piece, and there are still SOME places left, go now. Remember those years when I suspended my travelling 2006-2010, how everything had gone when I went back. Don't do that again.


Saturday, 14 April 2018

The cataclysm of my lost erotic places has been mindblowing

The cataclysm of my lost erotic places has been mindblowing: in London alone the Italian magazine shop in Goodge Street, Carnival Strip, Sunset Strip old style (before 1999 refurbishment), Astral Cinema, Soho Cinema, Sunset Cinema, Boulevard Strip, the Queen Anne, the Flying Scotsman. In Brussels, Paradise Peep, California Peep, Cine ABC. In Vienna Pour Platin, Fortuna Kino's hostesses and so many Gurtel bars. In Berlin almost the entirety of Stuttgarter Platz, Chocolat, Hanky Panky, Mon Cheri, Starlight, Night Dreams, Golden Gate, Blue Bananas. In Nuremberg the Hot Legs strip club and adjacent videokabins. We cling on to what is left by our fingertips knowing inevitably they will be gone soon too.
I can feel my heart all the time, even all day in bed. Just tense, like gripped in a fist. High pressure caused by three solid days of drinking, plus the red bulls? Some days without drink will heal it? I have to go to the strip clubs in London if I am not travelling, I have to SEE some naked bosoms and bottoms. Till I can get back to the real thing. But oh, daytime Sunset is so poor and night-time not any better. -- some pretty girls but too much risk of succumbing to expensive private dances! So better to go to Sunset and just stare out the door!

Friday, 13 April 2018

Yes all I want is the priapic thrill of the night bars. The Brocken and Reichenbach Falls will have to wait

Yes, all I want is the priapic thrill of the night bars. The Brocken, and Reichenbach Falls will have to wait, and Italy. More than anything I want WSK in Vienna and Cine Paris in Brussels. Plus whatever working videokabins I can still find. Jennifer in Empire. Fifth Avenue. I live for this, priapism. Persistent erection of the penis. Porn and prostitution. Dark porn cinemas. This is what makes me happy. Oh, how long can I delay the return to Brussels? I would like to write that great erotic novel, that captures the wonderful smutty soot on leaves eroticism of my life. My Beardsley Under the Hill.

My stomach and spare tyre huge, weight up to hideous 15'8. More my credit card debt comes down the more my weight goes up

My stomach and spare tyre huge, weight up to hideous 15'8. More my credit card debt comes down the more my weight goes up. I JUST COUNT DOWN THE DAYS TILL I CAN GET BACK TO WSK IN VIENNA AND CINE PARIS IN BRUSSELS. TILL I CAN BE NAKED IN A DARK ROOM WITH A NAKED FLOOZIE AGAIN IN BRUSSELS OR VIENNA. Write a story set in fictional soot on the leaves hothouse Brussels, like the Pleasure Gardens of Felipe Sagittarius. The Willing Cheeks of Fu Manchu, of course, and Seeds of the Pope.


Tuesday, 10 April 2018

I love myself. I am over Calcutta girl already. Now all I think about is getting back to Fifth Avenue, Cine Paris, Gare du Nord, ASAP

I love myself. I am over Calcutta girl already. Now all I think about is getting back to Fifth Avenue, Cine Paris, Gare du Nord, ASAP. Love to be living here as long as possible. Just want to remain alone always.
It is not bad to have ONLY spent £89 total in my three days off. Not bad at all. Got to live. Really saw NO crumpet all day yesterday though. That boring long journey to Nags was depressing. Then already had gone off Lucia in Calcutta by time I got back. Free!
THINK ABOUT BOOKING THE AUGUST TRIP TO BRUSSELS! Christ, that means getting through all of April, all of May, all of June, all of July before I travel?! I will surely travel before then for a brief stay in Brussels, but I can still book this August one in advance. Cheap Eurostar and cheap 3 nights in the Max should not hit my cards too much.
I need to refocus myself now. Refocus, keep my head way down at work. Refocus on days off to saving money, for my credit card reduction, and then with the goal of returning to Brussels. And end of year Vienna. And Christ, we are in April already. It won't be long before October is here and preparing for Vienna. ALL THAT MATTERS IS PORNOGRAPHY. CINE PARIS, WSK. VIDEOKABINS. ALL THAT MATTERS IS PORNOGRAPHY & PROSTITUTION. FIFTH AVENUE, GARE DU NORD, MANHATTAN. PRIAPISM. BURY YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE WORLD IN THE PORN CINEMAS AND VIDEOKABINS, THOSE ARE MY HAPPIEST PLACES. 
OH CHRIST, THE PLEASURE THAT CINE PARIS, WSK, CAFE WESTEND, FIFTH AVENUE, GARE DU NORD GIVE ME. THAT IS ALL I LIVE FOR AND ALWAYS WILL. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEWHERE TO FIND IT. IT MAKES MY SOUL SING. 

Davina on lunch shift at Nags and Nikki on middle at Browns. Some tits there. And not too expensive is it

Davina on lunch shift at Nags, and Nikki on middle at Browns. Some tits there. And not too expensive is it. One beer in Nags, few pounds in pot, one beer in Browns, few pounds in pot. Or just go straight to the Calcutta for late pints.
Tuesday my girl was there of course. I was her first customer, first pint of the day. I flirted with her all day, it was lovely. Had 6, got my boots, then came back for one more. She is gorgeous. First time I have met a girl I would take my ring off for, and would like to share a flat with. I am sure it will come to nothing but it is just wonderful to feel like this about a girl again. It irrigates parts of my soul that have lain dry for years. New blooms and blossoms can grow.
She is not getting enough hours. One week she only has 10 hours. She used to work at The -- in Waterloo, a wine and champagne bar but it was too busy, at least here she has some time to be quiet. Some other staff member came in and said "Buon giorno" to her so then I knew she was Italian, and talking to him in Italian she is so fiery and passionate. Oh, I have always loved Italian women. Those curves. That beauty. That cheeky sexiness. No need to travel when she is in London. This will help me abstain from travelling even longer.
Talking to a colleague she was saying she opened today, but last night she closed! She asked me are you off today, and then said "I am off tomorrow. Oh no, day after tomorrow". I wonder why she wanted me to know? Taking my money to the till with her head down she had a little smile on her face. Did I notice her hand trembling a little bit as she gave me my change back? I wanted to get there for 11 so I had chance to catch her alone, but I looked at time and it was too late to get the 1030. But then I checked the trains and it was running 3 mins late giving me a chance! So I rushed and just caught it, and was rewarded. A lovely day.
She's been there 4 months incredibly, since December.


Monday, 9 April 2018

I got the 12 o'clock train to Charing Cross and just stayed in the Calcutta the whole time

I got the 12 o'clock train to Charing Cross and just stayed in the Calcutta the whole time, 6 pints, Beardie behind the bar. On -- platform as train pulled in and I headed to back of platform, frizzy-haired light black-skinned girl looked me directly in the eyes, she was beautiful, like that 16-year-old in the Clean Bandit video.
Coming in to the Calcutta a couple of times, black hair in bun on top, grey top so tight I could see her nipples poking through it. Quite sexy. Just a couple of green shoots of sexiness. It is amazing HOW I am able to just sit in that corner for six pints, and not really got bored. I was SO tempted to go on to --, then I thought no, Sunset is better. Then I thought no, -- is better. Then I thought you know what, this is just day 1 of 3, so better to save something for the last day. Glad I just came home then. Horrible farting noise already coming from these horrible Converse boots. Hate them.

"Scandalous" people are always attractive

"Scandalous" people are always attractive. The more you attack the more attractive we seem.The more attractive we seem the more you attack. #carryon


Wednesday, 4 April 2018

Just look forward to going drinking on next three days. And of course No.1 location is the Calcutta

Just look forward to going drinking on next three days. And of course No.1 location is the Calcutta. Maybe just there & back again every day. Oh and go to Office tomorrow for my boots. Anything for me to feel worried about now? No, not really. Slow pace of my saving; my spending creeping up on drink & strip clubs again. Temperance. Remember? Amber Khan and Lada Duncheva both just said the same thing in their April videos. Very strongly. Saturn gone stationary before retrograde. No desire for Berenice, vaguely Davina on Wednesday. Old pull of pointless Sunset but better to save for a Saturday or Friday. Best thing is the Calcutta then home to sleep. Is that my life? For a few months until I have reduced the debt a lot, yes. Got to get my credit card debt down to a permanently lower level. That is No.1 priority right now. Enjoy Calcutta in meantime. And just girls in the street. A Porcupine tomorrow perhaps.
Vaguely depressed. I think reading my 2007 diary has done that. The awful inadequacy of my early days with --, so shy. But, after all, I am so much better now. The future can be very bright, just bear down on my debts now, then I can drop in the odd trip to Brussels before annual late year trip to Vienna. The life I love. Anyone I feel attracted to? Since end of 2JZ, honestly only this Calcutta girl. It is only someone like her that will motivate me to keep going to get that little nest for myself again.
"Political risks in Europe mean the pound will also climb back to its pre-referendum level against the euro of €1.30 by the start of next year" Fantastic news! Just when my debt will have gone down and I should be ready to travel again! Temperance now, while the pound is absolutely at rock bottom.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Mentally and spiritually I was already living in Berlin and Vienna and Munich for so many years before I ever set foot there so imagine how amazing it was to finally go there. In 1999 the Rubicon was finally crossed (i.e. the English Channel)

Mentally and spiritually I was already living in Berlin and Vienna and Munich for so many years before I ever set foot there, so imagine how amazing it was to finally go there. In 1999 the Rubicon was finally crossed (i.e. the English Channel).
Oh Christ, so many magnificent beautiful girls on the train to Charing X tonight. Straightaway I want to take next Saturday night off to come in to London. A Calcutta session then maybe a Saturday night Sunset, when was last time I did that!?! I will ask K-- in morning if he is free.
Getting on at --, blonde in shoulderless black long dress over most beautiful big bosoms. Then as my bus headed to Trafalgar Square we passed her again; one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, with two of the most beautiful big bosoms straining inside that black dress, almost popping over it. Sensational.
So much crumpet everywhere. Do it. Ask K-- in morning. I used Kerry Marie to get me to sleep today. And when I say used I think you know very well what I mean.


Monday, 2 April 2018

I really don't want to travel, I so much more want to keep saving another £300 or £400 each month towards my credit cards

I really don't want to travel, I so much more want to keep saving another £300 or £400 each month towards my credit cards. I am thrilled by the progress I am slowly starting to make. In May I will have a £600 surplus in my bank hopefully, no way I would then want to blow that on going back to Brussels. I want to build it even more, and use it towards my cards only. *** "You're just enjoying your life, whatever you are doing" says Venice. It is true. How happy I was here at work last night. Solving the -- problem made me happy. I am happy those two days this week just getting the train into Charing Cross on my days off for those two days in the Calcutta; something so simple made me happy. Happy to be making a £300 or £400 profit every month at the moment. Only really realised that my finances had got so much worse since August last year, but that would be after the Brexit referendum and the crash of sterling wouldn't it! Suddenly my travels became SO much more expensive, but I just kept on like nothing had happened. "Deliciously abundant. Enjoy it." Yes, I do feel abundant. On threshold of summer and all those sexy girls bouncing around London.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

But how much I ENJOYED going out on Monday and Tuesday!

But how much I ENJOYED going out on Monday and Tuesday! It made me happy, just leaving the house and heading back up to -- Station! To see that gorgeous grey blonde yesterday. To sit on train with my Red Bull, looking forward to my first pint. If no beauty in the Calcutta go on to Porcupine and come back later. Six maybe maximum, then back home by 3 perhaps. Now spring is here and warm weather, and sexy flesh on display, I have to make myself happy by going out on my days off. Allow myself that expense.