Wednesday, 5 June 2019

Going down steps at -- station last night passing below me brunette ponytail in low-cut black vest and lovely huge boobies

Going down steps at -- station last night, passing below me brunette ponytail in low-cut black vest and lovely huge boobies. On display. Then she sat on bench bending over to fix shoes giving me another lovely view of those boobies spilling out. Fantastic moment.
This morning Jessy Nelson, wardrobe malfunction, finishing with Mulher Malencia. Fantastic.
Yes, my heavy drinking will lead me into an early grave, but considering I will not have a single penny to look after myself with when I get to retirement age, it's probably just as well. Burn like a firefly, expire young (not yet though! Still too many books to write! Floozies!)
I need the periods of sodden drinking, and I need the periods of abstinence. It is the pendulum that keeps my mechanism moving. The drinking leads me into 'those high nights that persuade us to put off suicide' and the abstinence enables me to record it.
Amazing how much work I can get done (writing work) after two days without alcohol. However, extrapolating that to "Just imagine what you could achieve if you stopped drinking altogether!" is a red herring (perhaps). Without the drinking, I would have done nothing.

Saturday, 1 June 2019

Got through £74 but absolutely extraordinarily sexy day

Got through £74 but absolutely extraordinarily sexy day. Brunette in white dress on way to the horse racing in the Iron Duke. So many sexy girls all around Victoria. Two black girls in miniskirts, huge arses, and at stop outside. At -- stop sexy little blonde in grey hoodie stood SO near me at bus stop, half turned towards me so I could see the cameltoe on her fat pussy in black leggings. -- at -- of course. One Private Dance, two shoes off stage dances from M--. Then the blonde I made eye contact with on bus back to station, and held gaze, then she followed me to my end of platform and again was turned towards me. Then on bus to Victoria, black girl next to me at back seemed to be looking sideways at me. Then I realised I had the bulge of an erection. I moved my bag to make it more obvious then sat the whole way with this massive visible bulge in my trousers. Absolutely thrilling.
M-- in -- then home.

Thursday, 23 May 2019

To consider: Do I really want to get "involved" with S--? No

To consider: Do I really want to get "involved" with S--? No. With J--? No. With B--? No. Do I yearn to be back in Fifth Avenue? Yes. Back in Manhattan? Yes. Back in Cine Paris and WSK? Yes. That is the answer.
Try The Sherlock Holmes, the Admiralty and the Nell Gwynn.
So many sexy office girls getting off the train this morning, the sailor dress peroxide blonde the best, skin-tight dress through which her TINY black knickers were visible. THIS is why I go out on my days off. I am kidding myself if I think I am going to sleep all day Wednesday. No I will be straight out to S--, Victoria, then etc. So much sexier just to sit in pubs watching girls pass in summer, than sit in dark hole of the --.

Friday, 17 May 2019

Now I feel I don’t want anything to do with -- OR S--

Now I feel I don’t want anything to do with -- OR S--. I just want to stay alone, saving my money, in my big white lovely bed. Do not let myself be lured out of the casbah.

Thursday, 16 May 2019

Average person needs £260,000 savings for retirement but if you are not a homeowner this rises to £450,000

Average person needs £260,000 savings for retirement, but if you are not a homeowner this rises to £450,000. Terrifying. And I have ZERO savings, only debt. However, WHEN I clear this debt I can then start saving. Oh but I will be renting my own place by then won't I. Not much saving happening.Terrifying. Bleak.
I wonder if -- and -- will leave me their house? That is only thing that can save my future. Their Will is only hope for saving my future life from penury.
Confused myself now. Went to -- Tuesday, for -- and to see new girls C-- & A-- but mostly hoping to see -- behind the bar. -- grinned at me as I walked in. Something in that. Skin tight blue jeans and skin tight black T-shirt really showing off her big boobs. On fourth pint "Blimey you're knocking them back! I reckon you could drink ME under the table!" "We should try that sometime". "Yea, we should!" Later "another one babes?" I wanted to ask her out but by then it was too busy and I never got chance. I think I will next time I see her. I would like to f**k her, very much.
-- very quiet and subdued, sad. Drank too much, and now don't want to go to --. That is how quickly I change my mind.
I WONDER WHAT IS IN -- AND --'S WILL. That is my only hope in life.
*** After yesterday I say don't go out, but every time you do go out you discover something new, something amazing, something you would NOT have seen if you had not gone out So Thursday off as well for a change! Where to? Back to --?
Good I am glad things are cold as ice between S-- and me now means I don't have to spend ANY money on her, on a flat, and don't have to tell her ANYTHING about my life! And I can spend hours in her company now, with NOTHING being said. Felt her glancing at my face many times today, but I just focused on the TV. Love it. The complete silence between S-- and black girl was fascinating. What the hell happened there?
I'd still f**k her though, but now she has to come to me 100%!

Sunday, 12 May 2019

So went out Friday straight from work of course

So went out Friday straight from work of course. One in Calcutta, just opened at 1240 as cleaner never came. Place going down pan. One in --. Two in --, only stayed for second because a Friday work group included one of those stunning JLT brunette types in black floral blouse open at back and mid length black trousers skin tight over most gorgeous sexy curvy arse with no knickers, bouncing bouncing buttocks. 10/10. But soon as I started second pint her and other girl left and went back to work in Leicester Square direction. Then to --, black girl joined by S-- after 315. I was tired, of course in bad mood. While starting blindly at TV screen, I felt a tap on my wrist and it was S-- "Hey! I didn't say hello." I just murmured yes but carried on staring blindly. Bad mood. Seven pints again. Madness.
This greek Alexandra, big boobs, tanned, 30s at Romilly sounds interesting, Thursday and Fridays maybe. Worth a look. Could be Andrea!
Anyway I woke up masturbating while looking at pictures of S-- and came looking at her picture, so that tells me a lot. **** Don't underestimate that S-- made physical contact with ME. She actually reached all the way over bar to touch my arm, an act of intimacy. Quite a big thing to do.

Saturday, 11 May 2019

Of course I will go straight out this Friday

Of course I will go straight out this Friday. I CANNOT lay down to sleep when I know I am heading to the pub later. Too excited, every time.

Friday, 10 May 2019

So got to Calcutta about 1210

So got to Calcutta about 1210. One in Calcutta, one in Porcupine--voluptuous girl siting eating in short summer skirt and voluptuous legs parted, as she left she walked past me and looked me directly in the eyes and I held gaze. Beautiful Indian girl on her own came in with green olive top and was eating as well. So pretty. One in -- only, as I knew today was good chance to see -- and sure enough she was there, hair gelled down to make it look so thin. Finally I asked her. Very calm, "my other half wouldn't be very pleased". And I very calmly carried on chatting. First time ever I felt no shame, embarrassment, happy I asked. Got that boil lanced!

Tuesday, 30 April 2019

So a very dull Full Moon in Scorpio Monday/Walpurgis Night!

So a very dull Full Moon in Scorpio Monday/Walpurgis Night! 12 o'clock to Charing Cross, D-- behind bar, two pints then to --, small Spanish girl. Went in the Coal Hole but turned around as two men behind bar, then to Nell Gwynn but turned around as some Indian girl behind bar (though quite busty it seemed). Back to Calcutta for two more then home, and stuffed myself. Pigged out, indigestion. Still awake 2am didn't feel comfortable to sleep before. Though a little dream, some blonde girl coming in the gate late at night, black stockings, posting something then leaving.
Rachel Raxxx. Marie Leone.
Why get involved with S-- when B-- is so much sexier?
NO. I NEED TO STAY OUT OF CLUTCHES OF S-- AND B--. DO NOTHING UNTIL I HAVE MY OWN LITTLE NEST AGAIN. RETURN TO AUSTERITY MODE TO WORK FOR THAT.

Monday, 29 April 2019

Just realised Monday would be perfect day to go look for Scarlett in Shepherd Market

Just realised Monday would be perfect day to go look for Scarlett in Shepherd Market, as it is going to be heavy rain & breezy ALL DAY! The rain should give wonderful cover. She just posted a clip of her bottom in schoolgirl outfit. Amazing bottom. Also the black girl is normally in Calcutta. And can always pop into -- on way back from Shepherd Market like last time. I was thinking to stay in as no ogling will be possible, but for chance at last to see Scarlett I think it has to be done.


Thursday, 25 April 2019

Tuesday morning new tweet from Scarlet about a new English/Indian girl at Shepherd Market Wednesday size 10 with 38DD boobs!

Tuesday morning new tweet from Scarlet about a new English/Indian girl at Shepherd Market Wednesday, size 10 with 38DD boobs! Dangerously eroticised since then and all I thought about yesterday was what time to get to Shepherd Market today. They don't even start until 4pm though. Start late in Calcutta then find a pub in Piccadilly close to the place. Pina Napolitano at 730 of course. Interesting NO desire to go back to -- today.
My bank already in minus now, so might as well pay my cards today. The spare money I am afraid all went in the -- this week. And maybe today as well in Shepherd Market.*** So got 2 o'clock to Charing Cross. Black beauty behind bar in white T-shirt. Had two then got bus to Shepherd Market. One Peroni in King's Arms, £5.85! Then into No.30 just after 4pm, slim blonde, Laila cancelled! Bus back to Piccadilly then walking past -- saw it was empty so went in and S-- was behind bar, turned and looked at me expressionlessly, "long time". She changed TV channel for me and I had chance to luxuriate in sight of her voluptuous bottom in jeans and swell of her breasts in that black shirt. Wanted her. Then she called her family, her mum and dad were out with her little girl. Told them "I will be finishing in half an hour". Was that for me? Back to Charing X and couple more in Calcutta, so drunk more than I wanted, but excitement of S-- made it necessary. High because of seeing her.
Maybe Shepherd Market could be an option for me, long way from Soho, wait to see what this Laila is like next week.

Tuesday, 23 April 2019

Interesting I feel NO desire to see -- this week and for sure NO desire to have any relationship with her

Interesting I feel NO desire to see -- this week, and for sure NO desire to have any relationship with her, instead a kind of phobia & revulsion at both thoughts--due to the horrific expense of money involved. This hopefully will save me.
Sunday night, on my train and then passing me at the Strand bus stop petite black girl, plum off shoulder top over bouncy tits and obviously no bra! So so sexy, those bouncy soft boobies naked under that thin plum material. Tight black jeans, straight black hair so sexy. And getting on at --, like -- black girl ++. Skintight green top over big knockers, and skintight black skirt & stockings over huge hips and butt. Sensational.
Will the Turk ever move centre stage in my life I have always wondered? I wonder if that will finally happen with --.
Saturday night "A steamy launderette atmosphere, and smell. Thundery, lashing with rain, 1am, but warm".
Sleep all day Tuesday with two cans I hope, and Wednesday would be great to stay in as well. Two days of overcast breezy 15C only. Heatwave over. Pina Napolitano at SJSS hopefully I can avoid. Though the programme of Schoenberg, Berg & Webern is perfect. Now just worried and thinking only about -- coming to tell -- why he has to sack me.

Monday, 22 April 2019

No my desire to see -- in Soho is making me dangerously eroticised

No, my desire to see -- in Soho is making me dangerously eroticised. The £9,999 is not going to happen. STAY THE F**K AWAY FROM THE --. Or go once a week to see that beautiful --. Allow myself these little pleasures throughout the summer. Off Tuesday and Wednesday, sleep all day Tuesday I hope, then Wednesday night is Pina Napolitano playing Schoenberg, Berg & Webern at SJSS 730pm! So tempted! -- at -- around 6pm, then jump on bus to rush back to SJSS! An exciting night!


Saturday, 20 April 2019

So got through about £240 in two days all because of --

So got through about £240 in two days, all because of --. She came in Thursday in white summer dress and looked so PRETTY, so elegant, so ladylike. Had two great private dances. Then Friday she was already there in tight red trousers, tight over bum but flared at ankle, and pretty white blouse which showed off her pert upturned breasts. What a beauty Always looks so classy.
After first dance I think she came and sat with me at far end of bar nearest the private dance room, and tried hard to make conversation. She is lovely. Girlfriend material. Had a second dance then left.
So after my long hibernation I have gone a little mad this week. It is understandable. I forgive myself. It had to be done. Now pull myself back in. Resume the saving.


Sunday, 14 April 2019

JOURNALS; VOLUME 2 (2002-2005)

JOURNALS; VOLUME 2 (2002-2005) A Berlin Golden Age. A personal memoir of erotic indulgence in the florid & lurid red light districts of Munich, Berlin & Vienna, and 18-year-old Swedish barmaids.

Tuesday, 9 April 2019

Lissie tonight but still in bed

Lissie tonight but still in bed, not going, Cold, rainy. Spent a lot last seven days on beer, so better to stay in while so cold. Think of mother. Think of any potential illness I might have. Think of VIENNA at Christmas! Think of £9,999.

Thursday, 4 April 2019

F**king hell FOURTEENTH anniversary of seeing Romy in Berlin

F**king hell FOURTEENTH anniversary of seeing Romy in Berlin. If she was 26 then she would be 40 now. Wonder what she is doing now? Fat, beautiful, sexy still, happy?
*** Sitting on train to work reading my own paperback book, sitting on train home from work reading my own paperback book; I have achieved what I wanted to achieve in life. God bless Amazon. If anybody else ever reads a copy that is a bonus, but I have achieved what I wanted in my life in being able to read my own paperback books.

Tuesday, 2 April 2019

So here we are, April 2nd, Easter Monday. It is now 81 DAYS since I have been to a pub

So here we are, April 2nd, Easter Monday. It is now 81 DAYS since I have been to a pub. Also of course 81 days since I have seen a naked woman. And of course a bloody Bank Holiday today!
I CAN always go to Soho on weekends and Bank Holidays. And today is a Bank Holiday, AND it is going to be rainy! Yes. Yes. Try those Chinese places as well. One next to 18 Newport someone just mentioned. Yes, have to go out today--it is Easter. Old Saxon new year. Let my annual hibernation be that, Twelfth Night to Easter! The cold weather has made it easier of course!


Friday, 22 March 2019

Seen so many sexy little curvy bottoms in the last two days

Seen so many sexy little curvy bottoms in the last two days, in black leggings. Making me feel it is time. Then I counted how many days, and yesterday was the 69th day. Yes, it feels time. Let me try to nap for two hours first, gives me more options. Could quite happily go to Calcutta/-- if -- rubbish. Want to see E--. It was her who started this whole thing off. It is time to thank her.

Monday, 18 March 2019

Snowing quite hard

Snowing quite hard. This cold snap returning is a Godsend, it keeps me away from temptation. Freezing.

Sunday, 10 March 2019

Like the Earth's magnetic North Pole is always drifting so does my erotic north pole

Like the Earth's magnetic North Pole is always drifting, so does my erotic north pole. 2003 it was Munich, 2004 Berlin, 2006-2010 the Flying Scotsman, for past couple of years it has yo-yo'd between Brussels and Vienna. It is pointing back to Vienna right now.

Thursday, 7 March 2019

Reading about prostate cancer. Yes while young and healthy let me go to naughty places and spread my seed as much as I can

Reading about prostate cancer. Yes, while young and healthy let me go to naughty places and spread my seed as much as I can, because prostate cancer treatment will affect erections. And then I can save money by NOT going to bad places. So spend the money now while healthy. 16189 now. Next pay should be down to 15400. Egg payment just 118! From now on I will start paying Egg directly 400 or 500.
Woke thinking how amazing it will be to be in my Dorint hotel room again, naked, with bottle of Gosser, watching pornography on my computer, my naked erect cock out again. How amazing that will be. Three months down, perhaps eight more to get through? Credit cards down to 16,189 now, and surely down to 15,400 next month. Amazing progress.
This hibernation has been an incredible period, lost weight, published lots of books, made massive reduction in my credit card debt.


Wednesday, 6 March 2019

Well here we are in March already, three months down, we are getting there

Well here we are in March already, three months down, we are getting there. Perhaps just another eight to get through. Woke 145am thinking of Brussels Aisha in the Dome, black Max duty manager, blonde Max duty manager. This is such a spiritual year, longing, yearning for something I am denying myself physically. Then 2019 could be like a dam bursting.

Thursday, 28 February 2019

Thick snow. Hardly any trains running. The beast from the east has really hit now

Thick snow. Hardly any trains running. The beast from the east has really hit now.
Financial position not as good as I thought. Will have to go deep down to -350 by end of March to get down to £15,999 now with an extra £852 payment. From the Ides of March I had budgeted on going out once a week with £0 and £40 withdrawals but that alone makes a £420 dent by April payday. Amazing how those cash withdrawals even small add up so fast. Think my continence is going to have to be extended.

Saturday, 23 February 2019

Well that is SEPARATION finished as well! Published in both formats! Next up is TWELFTH NIGHT

Well that is SEPARATION finished as well! Published in both formats! Next up is TWELFTH NIGHT. *** I then slept for the whole rest of Friday! Dreaming, that awful trying to get somewhere again, and just getting further away. School, some man smoking, report him to police then get on bus to kill time, but bus going wrong place. P-- Wood, get off, C-- coming out of her house in black trousers and white blouse, breasts prominent, holding huge bunch of roses. I said it is going to rain, you just wearing a blouse; she made some joke about her nipples and boobs, I carried on getting on wrong buses. Then I woke. *** Up all night to now 624am Saturday. Working on TWELFTH NIGHT. Looking like 69 pages. The stuff from the fourth Vienna trip of the year is so good, so rich, I stayed for five nights that time and was time I first went to The Night Porter hotel and cafe, and first managed to cum with Amanda. Makes me ache for Vienna! Just February, ten months to get through at least. TWELFTH NIGHT will be ready for publication as well very soon! It is incredible how quickly my books are getting out now.
THE SCENTED SEA OF BOSOMS 1998
SOHO 1999
AUTISMUS 1999-2001
LOTTA 2002
THE COLD ICY AIR OF THE MOUNTAINS 2003-2004
---
---
TWELFTH NIGHT 2014
"My children will never forgive me if I destroy their future by letting Brexit happen."
If his children are as weak, wimpish and pathetically lacking in balls, spunk & backbone as he apparently is, then he is right and he will be vindicated.

Friday, 22 February 2019

Still bitterly cold which makes my continence easy

Still bitterly cold which makes my continence easy.
Isn't this hibernation glorious! All I do is sleep and eat, never getting out of bed at all. From January 12th to February 23rd, not set foot in a single pub, not gone out once on my days off! 43 days of saving money. 43 days of just EARNING money and not spending a single penny of it. If I could do this every year! Every January to March every year. What a difference it will make.

Woke from wonderful erotic dream, I am in optician's shop or something and it is very sexy but almost all forgotten now, curses

Woke from wonderful erotic dream, I am in optician's shop or something and it is very sexy but almost all forgotten now, curses, but I remember black hair Mandarin Whispers type girl coming down and out of lift in tiny black satin slip of a dress, her small nipples sometimes poking out. And I use excuse of feeling the material to run my hand over her naked body and no knickers of course. Then a woman in pink top and pink hotpants is leaning over the counter deliberately showing off the naked globes of her arse Then she complains the shop assistant is ogling her but other customers tell her to fuck off. Then I go to sit in waiting area with Mandarin and her mother in see-through blue top. So sexy. 0137am Thursday morning now.
Electrician coming at 8am. For me I am just going through the motions week after week, earning my money to bring me down eventually by Christmas to £9,999. Nothing else matters. I have to do this now; who knows what changes -- will try to enforce after August. Interest rates sure to go up again before then. I have to do this now. -- still rubbish. Weather still very cold. Weight still 15'0.


Saturday, 16 February 2019

THIS WILL WORK OUT BETTER FOR ME. THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD EVER HAVE HAPPENED

THIS WILL WORK OUT BETTER FOR ME. THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD EVER HAVE HAPPENED. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ELSE. THIS IS THE START OF A BRAND NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE. THIS IS WHERE I RISE TO MY GLORY. THIS IS WHERE MY PHOENIX RISES FROM THE FLAMES. THE NEXT JOB IS GOING TO BE THE BEST  JOB OF MY LIFE. EVERY MOVE I HAVE EVER MADE HAS BEEN FOR THE BETTER.
I LIKE TO MAKE THINGS HARD FOR MYSELF.
I AM A REBEL & A REVOLUTIONARY. I AM NAUGHTY. I HAVE TO PUSH PEOPLE.  HAHAHA! WOUNDED INNOCENCE. GOOD! I LIKE THIS FEELING. THIS IS HOW I WANT TO FEEL. A SCORPIO ALWAYS CRAVES DESTRUCTION JUST SO HE CAN RISE LIKE A PHOENIX FROM THE FLAMES ALL OVER AGAIN. I WILL RISE FROM THIS MORE GLORIOUS THAN EVER BEFORE.

Friday, 15 February 2019

After Twelfth Night 2010 -- came back to me and after that I could not be affected by anything that anyone said to me. I became iron. I became invincible

After Twelfth Night 2010 -- came back to me, and after that I could not be affected by anything that anyone said to me. I became iron. I became invincible. And now the same is true because I am writing my books and publishing another book every month. I have achieved FLOW. Whatever they say to me I do not care, because every month I am releasing another book.
If I am down to £16,600 as I speak, then a very good chance I can reach £15,999 in March. Suddenly JUST £6,000 away from my Christmas 9999 target. Once I get to 9999 I should be able to reduce it further very easily after that, because I will not be using my cards ever again, pretty much. Speed speed speed down to 9,999 now, even if I have to go deep into OD to do it. The finish line is in sight now. And -- on January 11th was the incredible turning point, assisted by the amazing £---- take home pay for December.
** I've just republished LOTTA, THE MORNING AFTER, and THE COLD ICY AIR OF THE MOUNTAINS in both formats! A very productive night. Up to date now, can concentrate on MARRIAGE tonight.Then soon on to SEPARATION, TWELFTH NIGHT etc etc. A real change begins in SEPARATION in that my writing is now free of all emotion. I left emotion behind in MARRIAGE, now it just becomes perfectly matter of fact travel diary. So SEPARATION in more ways than one. A separation from really caring about anything or anyone at all.
I always identified right at the start that -- was going to be the one to change my life, the one I needed to save my life and transform me into butterfly, transform me into iron. And so it has proved. I believe also that my writing WILL make me famous; even if it takes a very long long time for it to come true. Doesn't matter; it is the great pleasure of my life anyway. It is what gives me the feeling of FLOW, and progress, every day.
I wonder if I really have seen a permanent change in my spending habits and I will never go back to my old profligacy; or whether this period of abstinence is just a temporary thing? Time will tell. I know I never again want my credit card bill to be in FIVE figures. Once I get down to 9,999 I never want to ever go above that figure again. My trips to Vienna and Brussels and wherever else will come out of what my bank can afford.

If I can clear my debt to almost nothing how extraordinary Munich can come back to life again,Vienna can come back to life again [14th February]

If I can clear my debt to almost nothing how extraordinary Munich can come back to life again,Vienna can come back to life again. Travelling in general. A warm bath to sink back into so relaxed at ease. All the time in the world.

So £16,599 now. For sure then I should be down to £15,999 by March [13th February]

So £16,599 now. For sure then I should be down to £15,999 by March. I would rather go to Vienna in November than January as November not so cold of course. but that is a long way off.

Christ now Vienna dominates everything. A visceral aching for it [12th February]

Christ now Vienna dominates everything. A visceral aching for it. But also the wonderful determination that only £9,999 will trigger it. And that means £700 a month, and that means LOTS of £6.75 Belgian lagers to keep me inside the house! Gorgeous brunette girl ahead of me in Victoria M&S queue, so pretty face but a real apple bottom bursting those black jeans. So good.
How me living with -- shot everyone in -- straight up the arse!! Hahahahaha. Defeated forever. She made me Iron. Invincible.

Monday, 11 February 2019

THE PRINCE (1998-99)

Prince, Fantômas standing above them all, pulling their strings. Exultant! The pleasure I am heading to, the pleasure I am saving up for myself. Jealousy is like gangrene, it spreads & spreads, and I am going to spread through them a bit more. Like the Great Fire of London, 1998, the Great Plague, it spreads from house to house in hours, minutes, until it consumes the entire city. Having become a figure of scandal and notoriety years ago, I had stepped back into the lion's den, back to London where it had all started, and their "discovery" of my illicit liaisons in the boudoirs of Soho had driven them into more of a frenzy than ever before. "We ain't ever going to stop mister! We've got you now! So you'd better get used to it!" "Delighted!" I said. "You'd better get used to it as well my good man. You've no idea what you've let yourself in for." I had come back to London like Dracula to Piccadilly, sending the men into a terror and their women into a swoon.



Listening to Alizée J'en ai marre video last night brought back that incredible March spring-like excited innocent feeling of March 2003

Listening to Alizée J'en ai marre video last night brought back that incredible March spring-like excited innocent feeling of March 2003. Innocent days, before I ever had sex in Berlin, Vienna, Munich or Brussels either probably. Now tonight Maitre Gims reminds me so much of sitting in L'Orient Express, after checking in to the IBIS, before going to Le Coin, oh I cannot wait. For sure on my Vienna trip in December or January I will have to stay the first night in Brussels to try Le Coin BEFORE heading off to Vienna. Great thing is no more taxis all the way up to Max and then taxi back to get ICE next morning. Just stroll across the road. Cannot wait. 11th February already, wouldn't it be INCREDIBLE if in March I could bring my credit cards down to £15,999! Suddenly the goal feels in sight, so close I can almost touch it.
Had one beer on train back to -- this morning, then one more in bed, but I never enjoy that one in bed do I. Suppose it knocks me out. Weight crept up to 15'1. Oh but the danger is WHEN spring comes it is so exciting to go out just in jumper again. Feel the heat on your skin, see the bouncing boobies. Inevitably my saving will slow down dramatically. It cannot be helped. But to reduce by £1,550 in one month is extraordinary.

Sunday, 10 February 2019

VIENNA VIENNA LOOMS ON MY HORIZON. Christmas or Twelfth Night IF IF I can achieve that £9,999 by December

VIENNA VIENNA LOOMS ON MY HORIZON. Christmas or Twelfth Night, IF IF I can achieve that £9,999 by December.
VIENNA--Belvedere, Kraus house by Karlsplatz, Leopold; WSK, Manhattan, Cafe Westend. Dorint hotel room Gossers and porn. Goldentime??
BERLIN--Stuttgarter Platz, Ciro, LSD on other side, that sex kino I was reading of other day. One night stopover only.
BRUSSELS--that park where priest met Einstein, Byron's house Rue Ducale, Space Egg, Wiertz.
MUNICH--Rechthaler Hof, and finally have a "private dance" in one of the Schillerstrasse little clubs. Just to see if it is naughty at all. *** In my mind Lotta & Sophia are always 18 years old; always a shock to stop and say wait a minute, no, that was 2002, so now they must 33-34! Peckham Schoolgirl is forever in my mind 16-17, then with a shock I realise she must now be 23-24!

Saturday, 9 February 2019

Last night dozed off listening to In Our Time about Hamlet and had brief dream about beautiful girl coming to -- desk and asking for post

Last night dozed off listening to In Our Time about Hamlet and had brief dream about beautiful girl coming to -- desk and asking for post, she follows me fast into mail room and then approaches me and kisses me on the mouth! Beautiful brown ponytail girl, lipstick, no one I know but so beautiful. Then bizarrely she puts hands in my armpits and lifts me up as well as kissing me! I really really felt it was real, but then I woke and for a moment was shocked to realise it wasn't real.
*** Yep, so it is done, 9th February and we are at £16,899 already. A great kick-start to the year. Christ ALL I want to do is sleep! It is lovely. Sleep, eat, then sleep again.
Another wonderful deep sleep all afternoon through to after 9pm. Really feels like I am hibernating. Then I woke so horny thinking of Ebru and C-- in the hotel, and bit of WSK--all that wonderful sex I had there with Amanda, Jackie, Mongolian. Adelina. 953PM Friday night, another day I have slept through. Still no desire to go out in London, it is Vienna I am thinking of.

Friday, 8 February 2019

Nearly there then two days off and another £70 saved! It really does feel like EARNING money! Where to go in Vienna?

Nearly there then two days off, and another £70 saved! It really does feel like EARNING money! Where to go in Vienna? I've been to Kraus's Lothringerstrasse home, try his one down by Karlsplatz perhaps. Apart from that, Belvedere, WSK, Manhattan, Cafe Westend! AND DRINKING IN MY ROOM WITH THE PORN ON ! No more wasted hours stupefying in the bar. In Brussels? Byron's Rue Ducale home, the Space Egg, Wiertz Museum--all over that one side isn't it! Easy. Then that park where the priest walked with Einstein. Ibis and Le Coin and glorious food from the station every day! Cannot wait but must! £9,999 CHRISTMAS. That means 700 a month. A tough ask. All the GREAT travels I need to make, all the more remote holies, such as  Brocken Mountain, the Hercules in the forest, Milvian Bridge, Rubicon, Reichenbach Falls, Zurich red light district, etc etc etc can wait for the distant long off day when mother is no longer around. For now the little jaunts to Brussels and once a year Vienna are enough. And Christ how I yearn to spend a whole WEEK lazing in Vienna again. That is the shining citadel on my horizon, that is what all these sacrifices are working towards.  *** Started putting Vienna songs on my Commons playlist. Everything is connected. Vienna, 9,999 Christmas, my £700 months to get there, my £35 monk's day indoors to get there. My £6.75 Belgian lagers are essential to that too. I have to make my days indoors bearable, enjoyable, otherwise I would be bursting to go out. BY buying those 6.75 Belgian Lagers it makes me stay in which saves me £35 a day, which may make the £700 a  month possible, which will make the £9,999 Christmas near-certain .Then Vienna happens. Small building blocks, small incremental steps, produces the £9,999 Christmas. It is incredible. Last year I just cut down my travelling to JUST four trips to Brussels and one strip club a month. Now this year I am going further, no travelling AT ALL, and even less strip, and no pubs AT ALL for 69 days till Ides of March. Thereafter just once a week, whether I have two days off or three. This is the most enormous year of my life--by doing nothing! By doing nothing I grow something enormous. By doing nothing the most enormous blooming and blossoming can take place in the twelve hairy nights of Christmas 2018, then Twelfth Night explosion into Vienna.

Thursday, 7 February 2019

If I DO achieve this £9,999 at Christmas I will for sure reward myself with a Vienna trip

If I DO achieve this £9,999 at Christmas I will for sure reward myself with a Vienna trip; either before Xmas or in the New Year. And once I get down to 9K, it will slowly keep on coming down however much I relax my austerity as I will NEVER use credit cards again. I will never again book holidays on credit card; I will only book holidays I can afford from my bank only. So the 9,999 should NEVER ever rise above that figure again. This year is the fulcrum, the most pivotal year of my whole life. The Year of the Rooster is nearly ending and they all said it would a difficult year financially, you WOULD make progress but it would be hard work all the way; it looks like now only as the Rooster year ends can the handbrakes be taken off and financial prosperity start to speed up. Christ, that is the goal, a £9,999 Christmas, and therefore: VIENNA.
Incredible opportunity for me this calendar year. It really feels like it is now or never. This year is my last chance to turn my life around financially, and therefore in every other way. Finances constrain everything, so if I free up my finances I free up EVERYTHING. Travel, sex, place to live, everything.

Tuesday, 5 February 2019

Christ looking at this Milena Velba in Berlin pictures but particularly Milena Velba in Bavarian dirndl makes me yearn to go back

Christ looking at this Milena Velba in Berlin pictures, but particularly Milena Velba in Bavarian dirndl, makes me yearn to go back. Before that I was reading the European threads on UK punting. Yes! Let me PREPARE for my 2019 return to Europe now. That will keep me busy until the time comes. In Vienna perhaps finally try Golden Time? Some good reports from a Berlin sexkino I have not tried before, sleazy, low quality women, but filled with Berliner Pils that is just perfect! Slept all day again! From 9 this morning until 6pm for dinner. That is my three days off gone again, Another £100 saved that I would normally have spent I expect. I am preparing for a return to single life, a return to my own little nest. Did most of my banking today, reduced my credit card debt by £885! That is what NOT going out does! Incredible. Just imagine how much profit I will make a month if I DON'T have a massive credit card debt! This is the biggest battle of my life and the supertanker has now turned and is starting to steam full steam ahead back in the other direction.


Monday, 4 February 2019

Sunday morning and how lovely I don’t have to go to work tonight or tomorrow

Sunday morning, and how lovely I don’t have to go to work tonight, or tomorrow. Two whole days of rest and peace and warmth. God bless --. Been up all night watching all six episodes of Requiem. Fantastic.
Was thinking if I could publish a MAGAZINE via Amazon; but better to just upgrade Serpent's Egg into my comment pieces, my "magazine" articles, my "Fackel" articles. Breathe life into Serpent's Egg.*** Slept dozed through to 715pm! Another day slept through amazing how easily I am sleeping on these days off. Just Monday to sleep through now then back to work for two nights. ** The amazing thing about this hibernation is not only how much I sleep, or how rarely I shit, but how rarely I masturbate. All my drives and urges are reduced to a bare minimum.


Sunday, 3 February 2019

Ah but this is the danger day isn't it

Ah but this is the danger day isn't it. On way home from work Saturday morning, knowing I can go out later to see S--. Joe Dassin on my phone on train home making me think of Jennifer in Empire. Really get a Snap for afternoon and if it is the last train of the day and I arrive 11pm so what, I can go straight to Empire. Even starting to miss Empire now. Love on the Brain making me think of S-- and A--.

Saturday, 2 February 2019

On way to work I was thinking "Oh how I long to be back in the Vienna Dorint hotel again!"

On way to work I was thinking "Oh how I long to be back in the Vienna Dorint hotel again!" And slightly the Brussels Ibis, but nothing so much as the Vienna Dorint. Spring was amazing wasn't it. So beautiful. There is an eroticism there like I do not feel anywhere else. I am saving this money now to get me back to Vienna. That is the goal. Stop off in Brussels Ibis for sure on way there and way back, but the goal is four days in Vienna. Either December this year or March 2019.
Oh my God, just realised tonight is the THIRTEENTH anniversary of arriving in Vienna snowing. Getting into hotel just before midnight! Turning on music TV to watch Mando Diao, Galvanise, etc etc etc. Still wondering if I should not make that the start of THE MORNING AFTER again.
When mother passes there will be NOTHING to stop me from travelling, long and far. It will be finally the freest time of travelling of my life. With nothing to come home for.

Friday, 1 February 2019

My life is so rich and enjoyable, doing my newspaper cuttings, writing my little books

My life is so rich and enjoyable, doing my newspaper cuttings, writing my little books. Enjoying my cans of Belgian Lager on the way home, French porn on the computer. Sitting in pubs listening to my music watching girls bounce past in summer. The simple pleasures are the only realities, and the greatest realities. 606am pleased to see my weight just now was down to 15 stone exactly. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday three consecutive days with no beer whatsoever. And sleeping all day long so not much food either. Bacon sandwiches soon, then lay down to sleep all day Thursday I hope! Really cold, makes it so much easier to resist the lure of pubs. This could be a new way of life, not just for now, but every year now. Through the cold months no going out on days off, no drinking in pubs. That is only for spring and summer months. Would make a massive difference to my weight I would hope, as well as finances of course. The -- rosters have been dire anyway. That Schoolgirls Report No.2 Sibylle reminded me so strongly of -- though. She for sure wanted to -- me. One day go back to Nags to check out who -- is.
****Decided to institute a new law for myself: No drinking in pubs between Twelfth Night (5th January) and the Ides of March (15th). A nice Shakespearean tenor to it. Go mad over the twelve smoky, hairy nights of Christmas, then after Twelfth Night go into retreat. I haven't set foot in a pub since 11th January so I have made a good start. And don't get me wrong, I am allowed to drink--just not go out to pubs. I can still take a few cans home with me on the way home from work, obviously. This new regime of monkishness will also bring about substantial reduction in my travel costs, and, hopefully, my weight.



Thursday, 31 January 2019

Got home Tuesday morning, finished off a second can then sleep till after 5pm

Got home Tuesday morning, finished off a second can then sleep till after 5pm. On walk home listening to Joe le Taxi in particular I was thinking how I would love to be sitting in a pub now listening to my music, but thankfully I then slept. Bit of tea, then watching The Omen and Moby Dick (with three more cans), now 622am Wednesday, have some breakfast then back to sleep I guess! Wonderfully, still no desire to go out. Seems crazy just to spend every single day in bed but this is ONLY WAY to repair all the financial damage I have done in recent years.
Did a great job getting CASANOVA published this week. Now full steam ahead with MARRIAGE. Then we are into TWELFTH NIGHT and all my very simple yearly Travel Diaries! Having finished off all five cans I had yesterday, that means Wednesday, Thursday AND Friday are going to be completely dry.
** Wow slept through whole of Wednesday till 5pm again! Awake all Tuesday night, had my bacon sandwich breakfast, then lay down, and here we are it is 5pm already! So easy not to go out! *** Then after my 530pm dinner went back to bed and slept through to midnight! Absolutely incredible how much I sleep on my days off now. Stay awake through the night now in time for breakfast then I can lay down to sleep again! Back to work Friday for ONE NIGHT then three days sleeping again!
LET THIS BE A YEAR OF FEROCIOUS AUSTERITY AND SAVING MONEY. UNPRECEDENTED NOT SPENDING MONEY FOR THIS WHOLE YEAR. The whole of 2018 genuinely live like a monk. Let us see where it brings us to by end of year.


Tuesday, 29 January 2019

I think if any woman wants to wear her hair in "Bo Derek" braids it's nobody's business but her own surely

I think if any woman wants to wear her hair in "Bo Derek" braids it's nobody's business but her own surely. If you like something in another culture why not wear it? If you like Italian style you wear Italian clothes. No one complains at that.

Monday, 28 January 2019

Of course getting home with THREE cans of Belgian Lager inside me makes me yearn to see S-- again

Of course getting home with THREE cans of Belgian Lager inside me makes me yearn to see S-- again. I bought my Lissie ticket while drunk on Belgian Lager, and then regretted it ever since, but now hearing it drunk again on even more Belgian Lager I suddenly cannot WAIT to be in that gig with her. But S-- is the danger. Thank Christ I am about to pass out soon. And Monday morning and Tuesday morning. Three days to get through after that. Three days I COULD spend £90 or three days I spend nothing. That is the massive swing in difference.
When this drunk I want to f**k S--, I want to f**k M--. I do not think of anyone but those two. Instructive. Not E--, not A--. *** THREE cans on the way home was madness. I won't do that again. Thank God waking up sober I had NO desire to go out on my days off again. Hangover. Dreaming of some Irish X-factor and one of the singers, heavily made up voluptuous slapper was singing and letting her tits fall out on purpose. Woke up and came to some Melba getting massaged video. Just looking forward to my Belgian Lager on the way home again. Read LOTTA in its entirety on train in to Victoria. It is really rather good. A very poignant story of longing for one beautiful teenage Swedish girl. Republish under E Graf tonight. and press on with CASANOVA.
Saturday night really pretty moddish girl got on at --, beautiful face, but horrible boy's short hair, sad-looking, stood by door but I felt her looking at me a lot, our eyes met sometimes as I looked at her in reflection of glass, then by chance I followed into queue at M&S with my beer and she turned and looked at me.
Sunday morning with my three cans inside me I watched last 25 minutes of BBC Dracula with Sophia Myles, then first half hour of The Omen. Laid down about 1045ish I think and woke 418 so solid five hours.  Christ that Vienna three in a row of Amanda, Melissa and double cum Manuela was THREE YEARS AGO. Can't believe.


Sunday, 27 January 2019

Oh gorgeous girl smoking fag outside the theatre, peroxide blonde pigtails, tiny black vest over lovely big jubblies

Oh gorgeous girl smoking fag outside the theatre, peroxide blonde pigtails, tiny black vest over lovely big jubblies, then she bent down to squash her fag under her shoe. Gorgeous. This is why I do all the naughty things I do. Uneventful journey to work of course. All quiet here. Getting paid to write. Living the dream, and don't you forget it. ** Christ the financial dividend of NOT going out on my days off is so enormous. Let me see how long I can carry it on for. That is 8 days off I stayed in, 8 x £30 = £240 plus consequent travel savings of £67, TOTAL £307 from 12th to 31st January. That is extraordinary. If repeated over the whole of February that would be another £450 of savings on top of that. That is the equivalent of FOUR nights at work right there. I am doing something great. Keep going. Buy more beer if I have to. Whatever it takes to keep me in the house. Right now at -- there is ONLY -- and -- for me. Very easy to resist. And that awful undrinkable Fosters at the depressing --. This is the time I must maximise and monetise my continence!
***BBC's 2006 Dracula is not bad at all; Sophia Myles makes it eminently watchable at all times. That was the year she was in Dr Who as well. What has she done since then? Christ, that was TWELVE years ago already.


Saturday, 26 January 2019

How I love being in my big white bed, all alone

How I love being in my big white bed, all alone. Good to see no real desire to go out at all. Stay in the warm, stay in my lovely bed. Let this be a whole year of continence,  just one year, then see what position I can get to. *** Bloody cold today. Glad I stayed in. No regrets at all. **
Just between the -- day on 11th and 26th yesterday I think it realistic to say I have saved £250 by not going out on my days off. Spent £80 on top up oysters instead of £147 (3 x £49 weeklies) so that is £67 saved  on travel alone. Plus avoiding average £30 a day in pubs. Let us say in 19 days I have saved £250. I can save £500 every two months like that. While COLD WINTER is here. *** 509 Saturday morning. Window open to make me deliberately freezing cold.


Wednesday, 23 January 2019

"The universe will always bring you what you need". Trust in the universe, do not obsess or fret over when something is going to happen

"The universe will always bring you what you need". Trust in the universe, do not obsess or fret over when something is going to happen. Go with the flow, and you will get it, keep doing your inner work, and it will come to you. Stay grounded in your power. Remember who you are. I am happy here now at home in bed , aren't I? As long as you are happy in the here & now doing exactly what you are doing then you have no problem to worry about.
I am staying at home on all my days off so I can get back to VIENNA. Let me aim for Vienna in November. No more Brussels on its own, Brussels will just be the staging post on the way to Vienna going out, and on way back coming home. It is all about Vienna in November now. Already on verge of February. Ten paypackets before I travel, CC debt down by £5000, to just £13,999?
** Christ my return to Brussels (Inna!) and Vienna will be amazing after so long. This will  be a year of continence. Of Abstinence. Of austerity. To enable a third golden age of travelling to begin. ***  *** I am able to do SUCH GOOD WORK here at --, on my books, my blogs; DO NOT RISK IT FOR ANYTHING.


Tuesday, 22 January 2019

Wouldn’t it be amazing if I COULD really destroy my credit card debt this year

Wouldn’t it be amazing if I COULD really destroy my credit card debt this year, down to £9,999, and then go back on an old fashioned Grand Tour, back to the InterCity Hotel Munich, few days in Vienna lazy, few days back in Brussels before home. Old school holiday.

Monday, 21 January 2019

"What it's about in the beginning is never what it's about in the end"

"What it's about in the beginning is never what it's about in the end. There is a feeling of strength in knowing your own worth, a deep sense of well being on every front." What a great quote. Yes "What it's about in the beginning is never what it's about in the end."
"A new sense of optimism fills the air around you. Things are getting better and better financially, whether you realise it or not.  It's invisible for the moment, but only because there are some cups that must be sacrificed first.  Not love or ambition, but personal regrets and grudges.  How is that different from any other month? Once you can put your belief in an energy that believes in you, the collective push towards success is inevitable. The world can and will be yours if you can trust the love being presented to you. Channel it into material success." Stop waiting for money to come out of the sky to save me, I hold the key myself to feel rich. Now I am slowly getting it and being able to do it.
When you let go you feel empowered. I let go of the -- fight, and I feel empowered, stronger. To hold it in reserve. For when I need it. It is INCREDIBLE how quickly I can EARN money by not going to the pub on my days off! And that is how it feels, it is more than just saving, not spending, it feels like EARNING new money, suddenly I can send so much money to my credit cards. It feels like NEW money. It is incredible.
When you give up something, that is when the greatest flowers bloom & blossom. Give up coke, give up strippers, give up London pubs. Give up the -- fight. ** I AM TURNING LEAD INTO GOLD RIGHT NOW. I AM BECOMING AN ALCHEMIST OF MY LIFE. What was burdening me and making me heavy, I am now going to earn from. NEVER FORGET WHO YOUR TRUE ENEMY IS. THERE ARE INFINITE POSSIBILITIES, AND THINGS YOU CAN MANIFEST, FROM THIS POINT ON. I am manifesting, there is a magic about me which is quick and instant.

Sunday, 20 January 2019

That massive EXPENSE of -- day has now led to an even greater SAVING

That massive EXPENSE of -- day has now led to an even greater SAVING. I have made a profit out of that expense (if I can stick to it). But it has weaned me off of the London pubs on every day off, an absolutely pointless addiction.*** I FEEL I HAVE PUSHED MY CASE 90% OF THE WAY; AND I AM HAPPY TO LEAVE IT THERE. (FOR NOW). MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING. TO WORK IN A PLACE YOU LOVE, A PLACE YOU ARE HAPPY, COUNTS FOR A LOT. BUT I HAVE ALWAYS GOT THAT LAST 10% UP MY SLEEVE IF I NEED IT. IF THEY DO ANYTHING BAD TO ME, LIKE SLASHING MY WAGES MALICIOUSLY OR SACKING ME, THEN I CAN ALWAYS RESURRECT MY CASES. I HAVE NOW WON THAT PROTECTION FOR MYSELF, IF THEY EVER TRY TO MOVE AGAINST ME, I HAVE GOT GREAT WEAPONS TO DEFEND MYSELF WITH. I HAVE DONE A MIGHTY THING. NOW LET ME KEEP THAT 10% UP MY SLEEVE TO PROTECT MYSELF, AND GO ON ENJOYING THIS BEAUTIFUL JOB, FANTASTIC --K THIS YEAR AND PROBABLY --K AFTER THAT. AND WHO KNOWS WHAT TWISTS AND TURNS TO COME.

Effectively now I only have one blog! SEASON OF THE FLESH

Effectively now I only have one blog! SEASON OF THE FLESH (2017). Diary of Samuel Peeps (2008) is for obvious reasons going to be very sporadic. The Stripper is redundant without any more travelling, Casanova (2005-7) has come to a full stop with my imminent publication of same. So that is it, all chips on SEASON OF THE FLESH.
*** Unprecedented austerity this year, to bring me down to the magic £9,999 figure, then I can start again. My Third Golden Age, that is what I am working towards. In 2019. ***
Absolutely great video from Venice Italy. Don't burn your bridges, because the person who seemed to have let you down will in next moment offer  you everything you wanted. So don't throw yourself into a shooting match, stay humble, and what you want is coming to you, very soon. Person you thought was enemy, is not, a lot of the time it was just timing. If I just wait, then I will get what I wanted. Do not go getting angry now, when the other side is just about to give you all you wanted. Don't go putting in claims now, then they will take their 60 hour offer away. Be good boy, humble, respect their decision, and you may yet get what you dreamed of. There are always twists & turns to come. Avoid enmity at all costs.

Friday, 18 January 2019

How lovely to stay in my house on these bitter cold days

How lovely to stay in my house on these bitter cold days.
** When I DO return to pubs, I look forward to doing that Strand crawl again, from Lyceum, Coal Hole coming back. By NOT going out Friday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, that is shall we say £26 x4 I have saved on drink & Red Bull? So already an incredible £104 ! And that is conservative, often it comes to £30 a day or more. And not counting saved train fares.
I have undergone some small revolutions in my life in the past two years: discovering I like sparkling water (making it so much easier to give up the coke and not go back). Discovering --. Discovering I can buy -- easily on the internet.  Publishing all my books in paperback. AUTISMUS, LOTTA, THE COLD ICY AIR OF THE MOUNTAINS, THE MORNING AFTER, THERAPY and A SEASON IN HELL already in paperback. Now working on CASANOVA (2006), perhaps perhaps get something out of 2007 them MARRIAGE (2010-2013), TWELFTH NGIHT (2014), and then the TRAVEL DIARIES after that 2015, 2016, 2017.

Monday, 14 January 2019

So just Monday night to get through then I can LOOK FORWARD to three days off at home!

So just Monday night to get through, then I can LOOK FORWARD to three days off at home! Enjoying that feeling of saving all that money I would otherwise have been pissing away in London pubs and on trains. Oh and took time to finally purchase £36 of Dogecoin--market value £23! Thinking 14th of every month I will buy some more. Crowns not working at all, wallet won't even load. Shame.
Buy some more beer for my three days off, and plenty of -- of course. And CASANOVA.  *** The model I really crave for all my relationships with women is to silently, quietly make them want me, then when they succumb and let me know that they do want me, I disappear; then after long long time I reappear and they hate me, but I know beneath the hate deep down they still want me. So now we are both on that exquisite head of a pin. Until they disappear, and I never see them again, but I miss them forever.

Sunday, 13 January 2019

If I CAN keep my resolve not to go out on my days off for rest of January that could make a great saving on my Oyster

If I CAN keep my resolve not to go out on my days off for rest of January that could make a great saving on my Oyster as I can just use payasyougo to get to and from work and spend nothing for days off. In these COLD weeks it is easier to achieve this. Would not want to stay in during summertime, so do it in the bitter cold weeks. That way the -- madness can actually end up SAVING me money. Not going out for rest of January, massive saving on beer, and significant saving on Oyster as well.
*** Oh walking ahead of me in the M&S Victoria customer lane was that GORGEOUS Asian girl, then standing there adjusting the sweets. Her face is simply extraordinary. At first you think Japanese, then no some black features, then also you see Indian, then you think Persian too. One of the most exquisitely beautiful faces you will ever see in your life. She should be an actress, to see that face on a 20ft high screen.
I have been trying for hours to buy some cryptocurrency! No luck so far with Doge or Crowns. The cheap ones. It would be fun to own some.

Tuesday, 8 January 2019

Well, well done, looks like I'm staying in this Monday as well

Well, well done, looks like I'm staying in this Monday as well. Woke 127pm and now 344pm, and very dark & cold, so yes, I will be staying in. Save myself for early start tomorrow to Victoria for the 11am Hearing. And nowhere to go anyway, except Calcutta and maybe try a Strand crawl. Zero sexual desire for anyone.

Monday, 7 January 2019

Staying in this Sunday tired after yesterday's 7 pint Calcutta excess

Staying in this Sunday, tired after yesterday's 7 pint Calcutta excess. ** After discovering CASANOVA finished in December 2006, thinking now I CAN get a book out of 2007 but in the compressed style of THERAPY/A SEASON IN HELL.
Monday coming. Again NOWHERE to go, except few pints in Calcutta, get my newspaper diary. Would be nice if I can spend the day at home again. Save it for early Tuesday morning trip to Victoria before my --.
Sad (or good) that I feel nothing for S--, OR for M--. All about the credit card debt reduction.
I AM ALWAYS SO WORRIED TERRIFIED ABOUT LOSING MY -- JOB; I SHOULD JUST STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT; WHATEVER WILL BE WILL BE. IF I AM DESTINED TO BE KICKED OUT OF -- SO BE IT, A RIVER CUTS ITS OWN COURSE, I WILL FIND WORK ELSEWHERE AND IT WILL BE EVEN BETTER IN WAYS I CANNOT CURRENTLY IMAGINE. GO TO CHECK OUT VERONICA IN 2 LISLE STREET IF YOU WANT. SO WHAT. DO WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR PRIVATE LIFE. BE A SCANDAL. BE TALKED ABOUT, ON THEIR MINDS.
Incredibly in London now I really have NOWHERE to go. Only thinking of Brussels for Le Coin, Fifth and Cine Paris, and Vienna for WSK, Manhattan, Cafe Westend. Hamburg to explore via Berlin. But London, nothing. Need to try the Strand again perhaps. Lyceum, Coal Hole, Nell Gwynn, back to Calcutta.

Tuesday, 1 January 2019

How evocative to hear Paul Young Come Back and Stay reminding me of --

How evocative to hear Paul Young Come Back and Stay, reminding me of --.
I woke about 436pm, so that is probably more than 7 hours I had today! Woke so horny, thinking how long until I have a naked girl with big huge bosoms bending over as I take her from behind. Then thinking of S--,  but then more powerfully thinking of M--. I am really thinking about her strongly now. Erection on train in thinking of her. My aim for 2018? To f**k M--. And if not her, then f**k S--. Thinking M-- is like a wonderful mixture of both C-- AND D--, in one dynamite little huge-boobed huge-arsed package. The No.1 day of the year was when she giggled "You confuse me! I don't know why!" Instant erection. I have to pursue this glimmer heavily now. My goal for 2018.
2234 Christ I want to be back in a strip club again with some LOUD pounding music, as a girl strips naked.