Thursday, 31 January 2019

Got home Tuesday morning, finished off a second can then sleep till after 5pm

Got home Tuesday morning, finished off a second can then sleep till after 5pm. On walk home listening to Joe le Taxi in particular I was thinking how I would love to be sitting in a pub now listening to my music, but thankfully I then slept. Bit of tea, then watching The Omen and Moby Dick (with three more cans), now 622am Wednesday, have some breakfast then back to sleep I guess! Wonderfully, still no desire to go out. Seems crazy just to spend every single day in bed but this is ONLY WAY to repair all the financial damage I have done in recent years.
Did a great job getting CASANOVA published this week. Now full steam ahead with MARRIAGE. Then we are into TWELFTH NIGHT and all my very simple yearly Travel Diaries! Having finished off all five cans I had yesterday, that means Wednesday, Thursday AND Friday are going to be completely dry.
** Wow slept through whole of Wednesday till 5pm again! Awake all Tuesday night, had my bacon sandwich breakfast, then lay down, and here we are it is 5pm already! So easy not to go out! *** Then after my 530pm dinner went back to bed and slept through to midnight! Absolutely incredible how much I sleep on my days off now. Stay awake through the night now in time for breakfast then I can lay down to sleep again! Back to work Friday for ONE NIGHT then three days sleeping again!
LET THIS BE A YEAR OF FEROCIOUS AUSTERITY AND SAVING MONEY. UNPRECEDENTED NOT SPENDING MONEY FOR THIS WHOLE YEAR. The whole of 2018 genuinely live like a monk. Let us see where it brings us to by end of year.


Tuesday, 29 January 2019

I think if any woman wants to wear her hair in "Bo Derek" braids it's nobody's business but her own surely

I think if any woman wants to wear her hair in "Bo Derek" braids it's nobody's business but her own surely. If you like something in another culture why not wear it? If you like Italian style you wear Italian clothes. No one complains at that.

Monday, 28 January 2019

Of course getting home with THREE cans of Belgian Lager inside me makes me yearn to see S-- again

Of course getting home with THREE cans of Belgian Lager inside me makes me yearn to see S-- again. I bought my Lissie ticket while drunk on Belgian Lager, and then regretted it ever since, but now hearing it drunk again on even more Belgian Lager I suddenly cannot WAIT to be in that gig with her. But S-- is the danger. Thank Christ I am about to pass out soon. And Monday morning and Tuesday morning. Three days to get through after that. Three days I COULD spend £90 or three days I spend nothing. That is the massive swing in difference.
When this drunk I want to f**k S--, I want to f**k M--. I do not think of anyone but those two. Instructive. Not E--, not A--. *** THREE cans on the way home was madness. I won't do that again. Thank God waking up sober I had NO desire to go out on my days off again. Hangover. Dreaming of some Irish X-factor and one of the singers, heavily made up voluptuous slapper was singing and letting her tits fall out on purpose. Woke up and came to some Melba getting massaged video. Just looking forward to my Belgian Lager on the way home again. Read LOTTA in its entirety on train in to Victoria. It is really rather good. A very poignant story of longing for one beautiful teenage Swedish girl. Republish under E Graf tonight. and press on with CASANOVA.
Saturday night really pretty moddish girl got on at --, beautiful face, but horrible boy's short hair, sad-looking, stood by door but I felt her looking at me a lot, our eyes met sometimes as I looked at her in reflection of glass, then by chance I followed into queue at M&S with my beer and she turned and looked at me.
Sunday morning with my three cans inside me I watched last 25 minutes of BBC Dracula with Sophia Myles, then first half hour of The Omen. Laid down about 1045ish I think and woke 418 so solid five hours.  Christ that Vienna three in a row of Amanda, Melissa and double cum Manuela was THREE YEARS AGO. Can't believe.


Sunday, 27 January 2019

Oh gorgeous girl smoking fag outside the theatre, peroxide blonde pigtails, tiny black vest over lovely big jubblies

Oh gorgeous girl smoking fag outside the theatre, peroxide blonde pigtails, tiny black vest over lovely big jubblies, then she bent down to squash her fag under her shoe. Gorgeous. This is why I do all the naughty things I do. Uneventful journey to work of course. All quiet here. Getting paid to write. Living the dream, and don't you forget it. ** Christ the financial dividend of NOT going out on my days off is so enormous. Let me see how long I can carry it on for. That is 8 days off I stayed in, 8 x £30 = £240 plus consequent travel savings of £67, TOTAL £307 from 12th to 31st January. That is extraordinary. If repeated over the whole of February that would be another £450 of savings on top of that. That is the equivalent of FOUR nights at work right there. I am doing something great. Keep going. Buy more beer if I have to. Whatever it takes to keep me in the house. Right now at -- there is ONLY -- and -- for me. Very easy to resist. And that awful undrinkable Fosters at the depressing --. This is the time I must maximise and monetise my continence!
***BBC's 2006 Dracula is not bad at all; Sophia Myles makes it eminently watchable at all times. That was the year she was in Dr Who as well. What has she done since then? Christ, that was TWELVE years ago already.


Saturday, 26 January 2019

How I love being in my big white bed, all alone

How I love being in my big white bed, all alone. Good to see no real desire to go out at all. Stay in the warm, stay in my lovely bed. Let this be a whole year of continence,  just one year, then see what position I can get to. *** Bloody cold today. Glad I stayed in. No regrets at all. **
Just between the -- day on 11th and 26th yesterday I think it realistic to say I have saved £250 by not going out on my days off. Spent £80 on top up oysters instead of £147 (3 x £49 weeklies) so that is £67 saved  on travel alone. Plus avoiding average £30 a day in pubs. Let us say in 19 days I have saved £250. I can save £500 every two months like that. While COLD WINTER is here. *** 509 Saturday morning. Window open to make me deliberately freezing cold.


Wednesday, 23 January 2019

"The universe will always bring you what you need". Trust in the universe, do not obsess or fret over when something is going to happen

"The universe will always bring you what you need". Trust in the universe, do not obsess or fret over when something is going to happen. Go with the flow, and you will get it, keep doing your inner work, and it will come to you. Stay grounded in your power. Remember who you are. I am happy here now at home in bed , aren't I? As long as you are happy in the here & now doing exactly what you are doing then you have no problem to worry about.
I am staying at home on all my days off so I can get back to VIENNA. Let me aim for Vienna in November. No more Brussels on its own, Brussels will just be the staging post on the way to Vienna going out, and on way back coming home. It is all about Vienna in November now. Already on verge of February. Ten paypackets before I travel, CC debt down by £5000, to just £13,999?
** Christ my return to Brussels (Inna!) and Vienna will be amazing after so long. This will  be a year of continence. Of Abstinence. Of austerity. To enable a third golden age of travelling to begin. ***  *** I am able to do SUCH GOOD WORK here at --, on my books, my blogs; DO NOT RISK IT FOR ANYTHING.


Tuesday, 22 January 2019

Wouldn’t it be amazing if I COULD really destroy my credit card debt this year

Wouldn’t it be amazing if I COULD really destroy my credit card debt this year, down to £9,999, and then go back on an old fashioned Grand Tour, back to the InterCity Hotel Munich, few days in Vienna lazy, few days back in Brussels before home. Old school holiday.

Monday, 21 January 2019

"What it's about in the beginning is never what it's about in the end"

"What it's about in the beginning is never what it's about in the end. There is a feeling of strength in knowing your own worth, a deep sense of well being on every front." What a great quote. Yes "What it's about in the beginning is never what it's about in the end."
"A new sense of optimism fills the air around you. Things are getting better and better financially, whether you realise it or not.  It's invisible for the moment, but only because there are some cups that must be sacrificed first.  Not love or ambition, but personal regrets and grudges.  How is that different from any other month? Once you can put your belief in an energy that believes in you, the collective push towards success is inevitable. The world can and will be yours if you can trust the love being presented to you. Channel it into material success." Stop waiting for money to come out of the sky to save me, I hold the key myself to feel rich. Now I am slowly getting it and being able to do it.
When you let go you feel empowered. I let go of the -- fight, and I feel empowered, stronger. To hold it in reserve. For when I need it. It is INCREDIBLE how quickly I can EARN money by not going to the pub on my days off! And that is how it feels, it is more than just saving, not spending, it feels like EARNING new money, suddenly I can send so much money to my credit cards. It feels like NEW money. It is incredible.
When you give up something, that is when the greatest flowers bloom & blossom. Give up coke, give up strippers, give up London pubs. Give up the -- fight. ** I AM TURNING LEAD INTO GOLD RIGHT NOW. I AM BECOMING AN ALCHEMIST OF MY LIFE. What was burdening me and making me heavy, I am now going to earn from. NEVER FORGET WHO YOUR TRUE ENEMY IS. THERE ARE INFINITE POSSIBILITIES, AND THINGS YOU CAN MANIFEST, FROM THIS POINT ON. I am manifesting, there is a magic about me which is quick and instant.

Sunday, 20 January 2019

That massive EXPENSE of -- day has now led to an even greater SAVING

That massive EXPENSE of -- day has now led to an even greater SAVING. I have made a profit out of that expense (if I can stick to it). But it has weaned me off of the London pubs on every day off, an absolutely pointless addiction.*** I FEEL I HAVE PUSHED MY CASE 90% OF THE WAY; AND I AM HAPPY TO LEAVE IT THERE. (FOR NOW). MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING. TO WORK IN A PLACE YOU LOVE, A PLACE YOU ARE HAPPY, COUNTS FOR A LOT. BUT I HAVE ALWAYS GOT THAT LAST 10% UP MY SLEEVE IF I NEED IT. IF THEY DO ANYTHING BAD TO ME, LIKE SLASHING MY WAGES MALICIOUSLY OR SACKING ME, THEN I CAN ALWAYS RESURRECT MY CASES. I HAVE NOW WON THAT PROTECTION FOR MYSELF, IF THEY EVER TRY TO MOVE AGAINST ME, I HAVE GOT GREAT WEAPONS TO DEFEND MYSELF WITH. I HAVE DONE A MIGHTY THING. NOW LET ME KEEP THAT 10% UP MY SLEEVE TO PROTECT MYSELF, AND GO ON ENJOYING THIS BEAUTIFUL JOB, FANTASTIC --K THIS YEAR AND PROBABLY --K AFTER THAT. AND WHO KNOWS WHAT TWISTS AND TURNS TO COME.

Effectively now I only have one blog! SEASON OF THE FLESH

Effectively now I only have one blog! SEASON OF THE FLESH (2017). Diary of Samuel Peeps (2008) is for obvious reasons going to be very sporadic. The Stripper is redundant without any more travelling, Casanova (2005-7) has come to a full stop with my imminent publication of same. So that is it, all chips on SEASON OF THE FLESH.
*** Unprecedented austerity this year, to bring me down to the magic £9,999 figure, then I can start again. My Third Golden Age, that is what I am working towards. In 2019. ***
Absolutely great video from Venice Italy. Don't burn your bridges, because the person who seemed to have let you down will in next moment offer  you everything you wanted. So don't throw yourself into a shooting match, stay humble, and what you want is coming to you, very soon. Person you thought was enemy, is not, a lot of the time it was just timing. If I just wait, then I will get what I wanted. Do not go getting angry now, when the other side is just about to give you all you wanted. Don't go putting in claims now, then they will take their 60 hour offer away. Be good boy, humble, respect their decision, and you may yet get what you dreamed of. There are always twists & turns to come. Avoid enmity at all costs.

Friday, 18 January 2019

How lovely to stay in my house on these bitter cold days

How lovely to stay in my house on these bitter cold days.
** When I DO return to pubs, I look forward to doing that Strand crawl again, from Lyceum, Coal Hole coming back. By NOT going out Friday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, that is shall we say £26 x4 I have saved on drink & Red Bull? So already an incredible £104 ! And that is conservative, often it comes to £30 a day or more. And not counting saved train fares.
I have undergone some small revolutions in my life in the past two years: discovering I like sparkling water (making it so much easier to give up the coke and not go back). Discovering --. Discovering I can buy -- easily on the internet.  Publishing all my books in paperback. AUTISMUS, LOTTA, THE COLD ICY AIR OF THE MOUNTAINS, THE MORNING AFTER, THERAPY and A SEASON IN HELL already in paperback. Now working on CASANOVA (2006), perhaps perhaps get something out of 2007 them MARRIAGE (2010-2013), TWELFTH NGIHT (2014), and then the TRAVEL DIARIES after that 2015, 2016, 2017.

Monday, 14 January 2019

So just Monday night to get through then I can LOOK FORWARD to three days off at home!

So just Monday night to get through, then I can LOOK FORWARD to three days off at home! Enjoying that feeling of saving all that money I would otherwise have been pissing away in London pubs and on trains. Oh and took time to finally purchase £36 of Dogecoin--market value £23! Thinking 14th of every month I will buy some more. Crowns not working at all, wallet won't even load. Shame.
Buy some more beer for my three days off, and plenty of -- of course. And CASANOVA.  *** The model I really crave for all my relationships with women is to silently, quietly make them want me, then when they succumb and let me know that they do want me, I disappear; then after long long time I reappear and they hate me, but I know beneath the hate deep down they still want me. So now we are both on that exquisite head of a pin. Until they disappear, and I never see them again, but I miss them forever.

Sunday, 13 January 2019

If I CAN keep my resolve not to go out on my days off for rest of January that could make a great saving on my Oyster

If I CAN keep my resolve not to go out on my days off for rest of January that could make a great saving on my Oyster as I can just use payasyougo to get to and from work and spend nothing for days off. In these COLD weeks it is easier to achieve this. Would not want to stay in during summertime, so do it in the bitter cold weeks. That way the -- madness can actually end up SAVING me money. Not going out for rest of January, massive saving on beer, and significant saving on Oyster as well.
*** Oh walking ahead of me in the M&S Victoria customer lane was that GORGEOUS Asian girl, then standing there adjusting the sweets. Her face is simply extraordinary. At first you think Japanese, then no some black features, then also you see Indian, then you think Persian too. One of the most exquisitely beautiful faces you will ever see in your life. She should be an actress, to see that face on a 20ft high screen.
I have been trying for hours to buy some cryptocurrency! No luck so far with Doge or Crowns. The cheap ones. It would be fun to own some.

Tuesday, 8 January 2019

Well, well done, looks like I'm staying in this Monday as well

Well, well done, looks like I'm staying in this Monday as well. Woke 127pm and now 344pm, and very dark & cold, so yes, I will be staying in. Save myself for early start tomorrow to Victoria for the 11am Hearing. And nowhere to go anyway, except Calcutta and maybe try a Strand crawl. Zero sexual desire for anyone.

Monday, 7 January 2019

Staying in this Sunday tired after yesterday's 7 pint Calcutta excess

Staying in this Sunday, tired after yesterday's 7 pint Calcutta excess. ** After discovering CASANOVA finished in December 2006, thinking now I CAN get a book out of 2007 but in the compressed style of THERAPY/A SEASON IN HELL.
Monday coming. Again NOWHERE to go, except few pints in Calcutta, get my newspaper diary. Would be nice if I can spend the day at home again. Save it for early Tuesday morning trip to Victoria before my --.
Sad (or good) that I feel nothing for S--, OR for M--. All about the credit card debt reduction.
I AM ALWAYS SO WORRIED TERRIFIED ABOUT LOSING MY -- JOB; I SHOULD JUST STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT; WHATEVER WILL BE WILL BE. IF I AM DESTINED TO BE KICKED OUT OF -- SO BE IT, A RIVER CUTS ITS OWN COURSE, I WILL FIND WORK ELSEWHERE AND IT WILL BE EVEN BETTER IN WAYS I CANNOT CURRENTLY IMAGINE. GO TO CHECK OUT VERONICA IN 2 LISLE STREET IF YOU WANT. SO WHAT. DO WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR PRIVATE LIFE. BE A SCANDAL. BE TALKED ABOUT, ON THEIR MINDS.
Incredibly in London now I really have NOWHERE to go. Only thinking of Brussels for Le Coin, Fifth and Cine Paris, and Vienna for WSK, Manhattan, Cafe Westend. Hamburg to explore via Berlin. But London, nothing. Need to try the Strand again perhaps. Lyceum, Coal Hole, Nell Gwynn, back to Calcutta.

Tuesday, 1 January 2019

How evocative to hear Paul Young Come Back and Stay reminding me of --

How evocative to hear Paul Young Come Back and Stay, reminding me of --.
I woke about 436pm, so that is probably more than 7 hours I had today! Woke so horny, thinking how long until I have a naked girl with big huge bosoms bending over as I take her from behind. Then thinking of S--,  but then more powerfully thinking of M--. I am really thinking about her strongly now. Erection on train in thinking of her. My aim for 2018? To f**k M--. And if not her, then f**k S--. Thinking M-- is like a wonderful mixture of both C-- AND D--, in one dynamite little huge-boobed huge-arsed package. The No.1 day of the year was when she giggled "You confuse me! I don't know why!" Instant erection. I have to pursue this glimmer heavily now. My goal for 2018.
2234 Christ I want to be back in a strip club again with some LOUD pounding music, as a girl strips naked.